Part 7: What's in Store for Me?

Once I had wanted to take my dad to the NIE library for a look see. I was ravishing on how pretty it was and how great it was to hang around there. He chucked and said that he wasn’t interested.
He told me that when he was young, he was just like how I was now.

He said he was idealistic, he had read so many books… on philosophy, literature.. Did alot when he was young...sports, hobbies...
(its true by the way.. Saw all his pics and all the tons of books he had at home) but when he settled down, he realized that all those were simply ideals. Not worthwhile in life.
Life had to be realistic, he said.

His interests now, he told me, were to read not books for knowledge, but books on economics, on stocks and shares. He said he regretted not starting on the quest for material wealth earlier, and that he wanted to impart to me all he knows on stocks and shares so that I would learn how to make money.

He had told me the purpose of life.
To buy a car and then buy a house, make lots of money to make my family comfortable.

I asked him, " after I've achieved buying a car and then a house, whats next? "
He said," That's simple! Buy a bigger car and a bigger house!"


Few days back, he was just quarelling with my mom. My mom had wanted to sign up for some medishield or some incomeshield plan of sorts. They had to pay some $200 plus a year.
And my Dad was grumbling..
Why bother to spend money like that? "If I go, I have a house, I have a car. Sell them off so that you can pay my medical bills and with the remainder you can live comfortably... "
My mom retorted:
"If sell away the house, then i stay where? "

So queer. I wonder why they bother to raise my siblings and I for...
Don't they hope to be able to depend on us in future?
They raised us so that we could set up our own families and live comfortably with a big house and big car?
So that we could perpetuate this situation that they were in?


There is more to life than just material wealth.
Sure it is important.
But surely there are things to do you could do with them than keeping it waiting for the end.

Family.
Why have a family?
I'm still thinking about this..


As for me, I've realised I've been so influenced by my dad, to live and settle down comfortably.
Of course that is so enticing and so comfortable and so .....
Nice...

But I'm not willing to exchange my dreams for it.
I'm not willing to let go of my ideals in exchange for 'reality'

I'm idealistic. But I'm also a person who believes in making dreams a reality.
I want to see the world, explore it for all that its worth.
I've so many interests and hobbies that I want to engage myself in than just dabble in daily living.
I need a drive, I need excitement.
I need romance. I need to explore.
I need to appreciate life for all that its worth.

Its possible. You can have it all. You don't have to abandon your life to achieve these dreams.
I'm a teacher. Perfect! Holidays for me.. I'll have excellent opportunities to engage myself in activity, in travel, in research.
And teaching is flexible too. They even allow us to take extended breaks to go out to work.
I can prove my dad wrong. I can still own a car, a house and support a family well.. Afterall I've already fulfilled one criteria...
And I can still induldge in my dreams, my fantasies, in leading a life of excitement. A life chasing after my ideals.

But I don't want to live life alone.
All I want is just an opportunity to do this with someone that I love.
And for that someone who loves to do all these with me.
Its a motivation. An inspiration. And thats all I lack.
Its all possible.
Its so close, but to have it gone in an instant is something i cannot bare to see happen.

That's why hope prevails.
It's been a long wait....
But my day will come...