As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
Written by David Meece
Monday, December 27, 2004
Quotes by Christopher Reeve
Quotes by Christopher Reeves: Unfortunatlely only those who have been through shit and adversity really knows and appreaciates what he is talking about. Don't know who he is? Search on him on google!
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. "
"At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable. "
"Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't sell out."
"Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean. "
"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. "
"You play the hand you're dealt. I think the game's worthwhile. "
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. "
"At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable. "
"Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't sell out."
"Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean. "
"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. "
"You play the hand you're dealt. I think the game's worthwhile. "
My Week Last
Wed:
NUS-->SP-->Holland Village for Lunch-->NUS-->Holland Village for tea.
Frog Farm at Lim Chu Kang
Had BBQ here. Wow! Amazing place. So nice, quiet and surreal. Huge space. Watched Charmed... Haha.. Crappy but entertaining.Saw my 3 legged dog. Met one 8 years back. Definately not the same one. Scary!
Kranji Dam:
Lovely place. Haven stepped here for 8 years! haha... This was the spot where I saw the most beautiful rainbow a few weeks back.The wind, view and quiet here is amazing. A pity the army signallers were having their exercise here. Poor boys.. Interesting incident. Saw a cat catch a rat. Killed it and played with it. THen 2 stray dogs came to chase the cat away.Admired the stars and watched them sail by across the sky.
Thur:
Christmas shopping with friend
Movie: National Treasure
Supper: One Fullerton
Conclusion for the day: I just want someone to "teng2"/adore/love me.
Fri:
Lessons.
Telok Blangah CresentAte fantastic chicken rice/roast pork/pork ribs! Highly recommended!
J8
Collect my pants
Supermarket: Met a friend Had a nice chat at the park. Hope what I said helped her is someway or the other!
TV:Robin Hood: Prince of thieves.
Fantastic Movie. THe classic Love story... Memorable line: I'll die for you.....
TV Movie: ten Commandments.
Gleneagles
My Sister gave birth to a healthy girl!
East Coast Park
Damn crowded. Had to park at road safety.THe beach always holds such beauty for me.
Sat:
Watched 20/20 on channel news asia.
Most memoriable: This guy who was arrested for murder of his wife. He defiantly and blatantly said that he will not be charged. His reason: because God has never failed him. He walked out with bail.
Christopher Reeves. How he overcame his odds.
Popular:
Bought somemore A5 paper. Decided that i'll print out stuff to give out my students next time!
Supermarket.
Why is it that everytime i go to supermarkets, I'll bump into someone i know?
Singer:
There was this young singer who sang many love songs. Queer for christmas. But his singing was fantastic. think even better than Taufik! One song he sang that killed me. We are the Reason.
Holland Village (again!)
Bumped into a million and one friends. Oh wells.. Its holland village.
Pay it forward:
Fantastic Movie.Yes the boy was innocent, young, idealistic, believed in the 'goodness' of man, in a utopian Society. I'm glad he died. He lived beautifully. Make some of us grown up idealists wonder why we still stay on in this world.
"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether
the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism."
-Carl Gustav Jung
NUS-->SP-->Holland Village for Lunch-->NUS-->Holland Village for tea.
Frog Farm at Lim Chu Kang
Had BBQ here. Wow! Amazing place. So nice, quiet and surreal. Huge space. Watched Charmed... Haha.. Crappy but entertaining.Saw my 3 legged dog. Met one 8 years back. Definately not the same one. Scary!
Kranji Dam:
Lovely place. Haven stepped here for 8 years! haha... This was the spot where I saw the most beautiful rainbow a few weeks back.The wind, view and quiet here is amazing. A pity the army signallers were having their exercise here. Poor boys.. Interesting incident. Saw a cat catch a rat. Killed it and played with it. THen 2 stray dogs came to chase the cat away.Admired the stars and watched them sail by across the sky.
Thur:
Christmas shopping with friend
Movie: National Treasure
Supper: One Fullerton
Conclusion for the day: I just want someone to "teng2"/adore/love me.
Fri:
Lessons.
Telok Blangah CresentAte fantastic chicken rice/roast pork/pork ribs! Highly recommended!
J8
Collect my pants
Supermarket: Met a friend Had a nice chat at the park. Hope what I said helped her is someway or the other!
TV:Robin Hood: Prince of thieves.
Fantastic Movie. THe classic Love story... Memorable line: I'll die for you.....
TV Movie: ten Commandments.
Gleneagles
My Sister gave birth to a healthy girl!
East Coast Park
Damn crowded. Had to park at road safety.THe beach always holds such beauty for me.
Sat:
Watched 20/20 on channel news asia.
Most memoriable: This guy who was arrested for murder of his wife. He defiantly and blatantly said that he will not be charged. His reason: because God has never failed him. He walked out with bail.
Christopher Reeves. How he overcame his odds.
Popular:
Bought somemore A5 paper. Decided that i'll print out stuff to give out my students next time!
Supermarket.
Why is it that everytime i go to supermarkets, I'll bump into someone i know?
Singer:
There was this young singer who sang many love songs. Queer for christmas. But his singing was fantastic. think even better than Taufik! One song he sang that killed me. We are the Reason.
Holland Village (again!)
Bumped into a million and one friends. Oh wells.. Its holland village.
Pay it forward:
Fantastic Movie.Yes the boy was innocent, young, idealistic, believed in the 'goodness' of man, in a utopian Society. I'm glad he died. He lived beautifully. Make some of us grown up idealists wonder why we still stay on in this world.
"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether
the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism."
-Carl Gustav Jung
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I've only managed to catch the first part of the movie... Dammit. Seems like I might not have the chance to finish it.
I wish I would erase some of my memories. I tried. I really did.
Apparently... unfortuantely its just not possible.
Only such things happens in the movies...
Or does it???? Hmmm.......
Plot Summary
This is the story of a guy, Joel (Jim Carrey), who discovers that his long-time girlfriend, Clementine (Kate Winslet), has undergone a psychiatrist's ('Tom Wilkinson') experimental procedure in which all of her memory of Joel is removed, after the couple has tried for years to get their relationship working fluidly.
Frustrated by the idea of still being in love with a woman who doesn't remember their time together, Joel agrees to undergo the procedure as well, to erase his memories of Clementine.
The film, which takes place mostly within Joel's mind, follows his memories of Clementine backwards in time as each recent memory is replaced, and the procedure then goes on to the previous one, which is likewise seen, and then erased.
Once the process starts, however, Joel realizes he doesn't really want to forget Clementine, so he starts smuggling her away into parts of his memory where she doesn't belong which alters other things about his memories as well...
Plot Summary 2:
Joel (Jim Carrey) is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contracts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwaik ('Tom Wilkinson'), to have Clementine removed from his own memory. But as Joel's memories progressively disappear, he begins to rediscover their earlier passion. From deep within the recesses of his brain, Joel attempts to escape the procedure. As Dr. Mierzwiak and his crew (Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and 'Elijah Wood') chase him through the maze of his memories, it's clear that Joel just can't get her out of his head.
Taglines for the Movie
- Would you erase me?
- This Spring, clear your mind
- I'm fine without you.
- Do I know you?
- You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.
- Replace My Memory
- A comedy for anyone with a past they'd rather forget.
I wish I would erase some of my memories. I tried. I really did.
Apparently... unfortuantely its just not possible.
Only such things happens in the movies...
Or does it???? Hmmm.......
Plot Summary
This is the story of a guy, Joel (Jim Carrey), who discovers that his long-time girlfriend, Clementine (Kate Winslet), has undergone a psychiatrist's ('Tom Wilkinson') experimental procedure in which all of her memory of Joel is removed, after the couple has tried for years to get their relationship working fluidly.
Frustrated by the idea of still being in love with a woman who doesn't remember their time together, Joel agrees to undergo the procedure as well, to erase his memories of Clementine.
The film, which takes place mostly within Joel's mind, follows his memories of Clementine backwards in time as each recent memory is replaced, and the procedure then goes on to the previous one, which is likewise seen, and then erased.
Once the process starts, however, Joel realizes he doesn't really want to forget Clementine, so he starts smuggling her away into parts of his memory where she doesn't belong which alters other things about his memories as well...
Plot Summary 2:
Joel (Jim Carrey) is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contracts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwaik ('Tom Wilkinson'), to have Clementine removed from his own memory. But as Joel's memories progressively disappear, he begins to rediscover their earlier passion. From deep within the recesses of his brain, Joel attempts to escape the procedure. As Dr. Mierzwiak and his crew (Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and 'Elijah Wood') chase him through the maze of his memories, it's clear that Joel just can't get her out of his head.
Taglines for the Movie
- Would you erase me?
- This Spring, clear your mind
- I'm fine without you.
- Do I know you?
- You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.
- Replace My Memory
- A comedy for anyone with a past they'd rather forget.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Music Speaks for itself
Been digging up my old CD collection.
Dammit...
Music heals the soul?
Sigh.. Apparently these songs just shatters the spirit once again...
Amazing how these singers just touch your heart exactly as you feel it.....
Against All Odds – Phil Collins
How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face
I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take
Take a look at me now
Dammit...
Music heals the soul?
Sigh.. Apparently these songs just shatters the spirit once again...
Amazing how these singers just touch your heart exactly as you feel it.....
Against All Odds – Phil Collins
How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face
I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take
Take a look at me now
Thursday, December 23, 2004
A Day A Time
Friend:
"How are you? Feeling Better?"
My Thought:
What does 'better' and 'feeling' mean?
My Reply:
"Life Has its Ups and Downs.
I'm Living my life a day a time."
Song in my Head:
Oh, the grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men,
He marched them up to the top of
The hill and he marched
Them down again.
And when they were up they were up.
And when they were down they were down.
And when they were only half way up,
They were neither up nor down.
"How are you? Feeling Better?"
My Thought:
What does 'better' and 'feeling' mean?
My Reply:
"Life Has its Ups and Downs.
I'm Living my life a day a time."
Song in my Head:
Oh, the grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men,
He marched them up to the top of
The hill and he marched
Them down again.
And when they were up they were up.
And when they were down they were down.
And when they were only half way up,
They were neither up nor down.
Song: The Rose
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Let me Fall
I dunno why I still bother to blog.
There is so much for me to write about. So much feelings/thoughts/experiences to express.
Does it matter anymore?
No one knows the full extent of my story.
Only she does.
Who cares anyway?
There is so much for me to write about. So much feelings/thoughts/experiences to express.
Does it matter anymore?
No one knows the full extent of my story.
Only she does.
Who cares anyway?
Monday, December 20, 2004
Movie: A World Without Thieves
This morning, saw this car in front of me with a huge cross dangling down his rear view mirror.
On his right flank, there was this pickup that badly needed to switch into his lane to make it to the left filter. This car-with-cross guy turned his head to look at the pickup, and though he was in the position to give way, he ignored him completely.
Dim Sum Buffet. Soooo shoik to eat so much for lunch... Skipped dinner because of that.
Movie: A World Without Thieves.
Fantastic movie.
So much to blog about it.
But I shalnt.
Its so beautiful. That I will not attempt to even describe it.
The tears still can't stop flowing.
Nuff said.
Easily one of the best movies I've seen.
I'm not sure whether is it the movie, or my situation....
It has made me soooooooooo sad tonight.
Every night, it has been so trying..... so difficult to stay strong, and it strains from trying to keep your heart from shattering during the day...
But when you sleep and morning comes....
A new day, you promise yourself
From a nights rest, you should be fully charged
you try to live out the day as best as you can.
For there is so much to do.
Yet sometimes everything just crashes down on you mid day.
And you have to climb up to see the light of day.
Because many depend on you to do just that.
You have to look far.... Far beyond your current circumstance.
To distract you from your current pain.
But yet sometimes its so far that you know you're just kidding yourself.
Its your path, your destiny that you must stay focused on.
And some peoples' destiny is that of sacrifice.
In order to protect the innocent from becoming guilty.
On his right flank, there was this pickup that badly needed to switch into his lane to make it to the left filter. This car-with-cross guy turned his head to look at the pickup, and though he was in the position to give way, he ignored him completely.
Dim Sum Buffet. Soooo shoik to eat so much for lunch... Skipped dinner because of that.
Movie: A World Without Thieves.
Fantastic movie.
So much to blog about it.
But I shalnt.
Its so beautiful. That I will not attempt to even describe it.
The tears still can't stop flowing.
Nuff said.
Easily one of the best movies I've seen.
I'm not sure whether is it the movie, or my situation....
It has made me soooooooooo sad tonight.
Every night, it has been so trying..... so difficult to stay strong, and it strains from trying to keep your heart from shattering during the day...
But when you sleep and morning comes....
A new day, you promise yourself
From a nights rest, you should be fully charged
you try to live out the day as best as you can.
For there is so much to do.
Yet sometimes everything just crashes down on you mid day.
And you have to climb up to see the light of day.
Because many depend on you to do just that.
You have to look far.... Far beyond your current circumstance.
To distract you from your current pain.
But yet sometimes its so far that you know you're just kidding yourself.
Its your path, your destiny that you must stay focused on.
And some peoples' destiny is that of sacrifice.
In order to protect the innocent from becoming guilty.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Peace!
Completed my powerboat license course finally.
The sea...
Sigh.. To be back in the sea once again.
Soon...
Gotta take the theory and practical tests soon.
Now to look a marina membership, proper berthing place, then a boat.
First steps into the world....
The sea was so000 lovely.
The wind....
The quiet...
The peace....
Then back on land.....
The Beach. Family day. Jam packed with 'beachers'. Noise noise noise.
Encountered a terrible accident today. A P plate merc 'lang gar' a taxi in the middle of a cross juction.
Road rage.... This driver and a pedestrian were arguing and shouting at each other. Causing a traffic jam.
People everywhere, rushing and pushing and shoving amidst the crowds.
Trams and people crashing into you even before you step out of the lifts.
Anarchy at every shopping centre in singapore during this period.
To find peace in ones heart again. Thats my one desire.
To find peace amongst the anarchy caused by lost love.
To find peace when your heart is aching and sinking fast.
How do we find peace in your heart?
Yet the only way to find peace is to love.
But how do you love when everywhere around you is in such a mess and disorder.. And the only peace and quiet you find is when you are away from the crowds and the masses?
There's a way, if will is willing.
Love yourself first.
Find peace and tranquility within yourself, in solitude and away from the masses.
Strip yourself bare and discover who you really are. What makes you.
When you are ready,
Join the crowd once again.
Find your place amongst all the chaos and disorderliness around you.
and finally....
Love others.
Thats how you will find your peace, no matter the circumstances.
The sea...
Sigh.. To be back in the sea once again.
Soon...
Gotta take the theory and practical tests soon.
Now to look a marina membership, proper berthing place, then a boat.
First steps into the world....
The sea was so000 lovely.
The wind....
The quiet...
The peace....
Then back on land.....
The Beach. Family day. Jam packed with 'beachers'. Noise noise noise.
Encountered a terrible accident today. A P plate merc 'lang gar' a taxi in the middle of a cross juction.
Road rage.... This driver and a pedestrian were arguing and shouting at each other. Causing a traffic jam.
People everywhere, rushing and pushing and shoving amidst the crowds.
Trams and people crashing into you even before you step out of the lifts.
Anarchy at every shopping centre in singapore during this period.
To find peace in ones heart again. Thats my one desire.
To find peace amongst the anarchy caused by lost love.
To find peace when your heart is aching and sinking fast.
How do we find peace in your heart?
Yet the only way to find peace is to love.
But how do you love when everywhere around you is in such a mess and disorder.. And the only peace and quiet you find is when you are away from the crowds and the masses?
There's a way, if will is willing.
Love yourself first.
Find peace and tranquility within yourself, in solitude and away from the masses.
Strip yourself bare and discover who you really are. What makes you.
When you are ready,
Join the crowd once again.
Find your place amongst all the chaos and disorderliness around you.
and finally....
Love others.
Thats how you will find your peace, no matter the circumstances.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Highbeam day.
Today has been Highbeam day...
WALAU...
I highbeamed at men, at women, at children, at cats.
I highbeamed at cars, at lorries, at pedestrians, at cats.
I highbeamed at cross junctions, at the road side, at cats.
Did i mention highbeaming cats?
Terrible traffic today. People just rush out into my lane without looking out for me. Am i such a nice person to be 'eaten'?
Even cats want to take advantage of me.
Sigh.
Sigh. I should learn some rude traffic manners like highbeaming needlessly and horning the shits out of people. Not to mention dirty looks, middle fingers, raising fists and... spitting on the road.
Of course i must master how to drive, avoid poor drivers, wind down the windscreen , test the wind direction before i even manage to spit out of the window.
Apparently some drivers have learnt how to do that. All in a matter of split seconds...
Went to sengkang today.. Sigh again. Of all places... Memories...
Went to buy my new phone.
M65. $48.
Happy happy.
then $$$$$$$$$$
Not so happy.
But still...
Had an interesting time today. Brought my mom out for shopping. I think its been years since she went out shopping. even if she steps into a shopping centre, its because of her grandson. And poor mum hardly ever has time for herself.
If everyone is like my mom. Singapore will collaspe. Go figure.
Can't wait for tomorrow.
To see the sea.
:)
WALAU...
I highbeamed at men, at women, at children, at cats.
I highbeamed at cars, at lorries, at pedestrians, at cats.
I highbeamed at cross junctions, at the road side, at cats.
Did i mention highbeaming cats?
Terrible traffic today. People just rush out into my lane without looking out for me. Am i such a nice person to be 'eaten'?
Even cats want to take advantage of me.
Sigh.
Sigh. I should learn some rude traffic manners like highbeaming needlessly and horning the shits out of people. Not to mention dirty looks, middle fingers, raising fists and... spitting on the road.
Of course i must master how to drive, avoid poor drivers, wind down the windscreen , test the wind direction before i even manage to spit out of the window.
Apparently some drivers have learnt how to do that. All in a matter of split seconds...
Went to sengkang today.. Sigh again. Of all places... Memories...
Went to buy my new phone.
M65. $48.
Happy happy.
then $$$$$$$$$$
Not so happy.
But still...
Had an interesting time today. Brought my mom out for shopping. I think its been years since she went out shopping. even if she steps into a shopping centre, its because of her grandson. And poor mum hardly ever has time for herself.
If everyone is like my mom. Singapore will collaspe. Go figure.
Can't wait for tomorrow.
To see the sea.
:)
Part 9: What do you have left when you are stipped bare?
I used to believe so strongly in the ‘virtue’ of humility.
However, is humility a virtue? Or is it something that a coward hangs on to. An excuse to stay silent and hiden and not prove his worth nor his ability..
Is humility......
Humility is not self sacrifice nor hiding your true abilities and nature.
Humilty does not mean you hide away in silence and turn away from adversity.
Humility is to remain steadfast in the truth. And to remain faithful, unwavering in the truth. There is no need to run. There is no need to hide.
There is no need to prove yourself, no need to be flashy nor flamboyant.
Just by daily living, though others may not see and value it, though others may jibe and laugh at you, though others may misunderstand and talk behind your back, to remain true in your beliefs and truth.
What is humilty then?
I'll post it under : Devotions and Inspirations.
A man must live on certain principles and beliefs. He must stay consistent and strong in his beliefs. It is what differenciates him from others. It is what makes him unique. It is his attitudes, his beliefs, his principles, and his ability to remain consistent in them at all times, even in adversity, that makes up his character and his worth.
When everything is stripped bare from him, all he has left are these. These are the things that maketh a man. These are the only true possessions that he owns.
Have you ever been stripped bare and discovered who you really are?
When you have given everything of yourself, and had everything taken away from you. What's left? Do you have any virtues that warrant you to be deserving in the first place?
The seven heavenly virtues.
1.Prudence
a. Wisdom
b. Vigilance
c. Carefulness
d. Thoughfulness
e. Discretion
2.Temperance
a. Moderation
b. Restraint
c. Self-mastery
d. Frugality
e. Sobriety
3. Justice
a. Impartiality
b. Fairness
c. Equality
d. Rightness
e. Dispassion
4. Fortitude
a. Strength
b. Courage
c. Endurance
d. Resoluteness
5. Charity
a. Generosity
b. Benevolence
c. Helpfulness
d. Mercy
6. Hope
a. Desire
b. Belief
c. Reliance
d. Expectation
7. Faith
a. Belief
b. Trust
c. Fidelity
d. Loyalty
e. Conviction
Dammit! Where's humility?
What breaks you, leaves you naked and hanging dry...
Makes you discover wonderous things about yourself.
Never give up on yourself.
However, is humility a virtue? Or is it something that a coward hangs on to. An excuse to stay silent and hiden and not prove his worth nor his ability..
Is humility......
Humility is not self sacrifice nor hiding your true abilities and nature.
Humilty does not mean you hide away in silence and turn away from adversity.
Humility is to remain steadfast in the truth. And to remain faithful, unwavering in the truth. There is no need to run. There is no need to hide.
There is no need to prove yourself, no need to be flashy nor flamboyant.
Just by daily living, though others may not see and value it, though others may jibe and laugh at you, though others may misunderstand and talk behind your back, to remain true in your beliefs and truth.
What is humilty then?
I'll post it under : Devotions and Inspirations
A man must live on certain principles and beliefs. He must stay consistent and strong in his beliefs. It is what differenciates him from others. It is what makes him unique. It is his attitudes, his beliefs, his principles, and his ability to remain consistent in them at all times, even in adversity, that makes up his character and his worth.
When everything is stripped bare from him, all he has left are these. These are the things that maketh a man. These are the only true possessions that he owns.
Have you ever been stripped bare and discovered who you really are?
When you have given everything of yourself, and had everything taken away from you. What's left? Do you have any virtues that warrant you to be deserving in the first place?
The seven heavenly virtues.
1.Prudence
a. Wisdom
b. Vigilance
c. Carefulness
d. Thoughfulness
e. Discretion
2.Temperance
a. Moderation
b. Restraint
c. Self-mastery
d. Frugality
e. Sobriety
3. Justice
a. Impartiality
b. Fairness
c. Equality
d. Rightness
e. Dispassion
4. Fortitude
a. Strength
b. Courage
c. Endurance
d. Resoluteness
5. Charity
a. Generosity
b. Benevolence
c. Helpfulness
d. Mercy
6. Hope
a. Desire
b. Belief
c. Reliance
d. Expectation
7. Faith
a. Belief
b. Trust
c. Fidelity
d. Loyalty
e. Conviction
Dammit! Where's humility?
What breaks you, leaves you naked and hanging dry...
Makes you discover wonderous things about yourself.
Never give up on yourself.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Some Silly quote that holds true for me.
“I can only try to promise that I’ll make it worth your while, to make you smile.
But I cannot promise you that you won’t ever cry,
or be free from pain and hurt.
The future seems uncertain and gloomy.
But if you’d take my hand and walk this life with me,
we’ll at least have the possibility to make our dreams our reality.”
But I cannot promise you that you won’t ever cry,
or be free from pain and hurt.
The future seems uncertain and gloomy.
But if you’d take my hand and walk this life with me,
we’ll at least have the possibility to make our dreams our reality.”
Part 8: Making Choices
In the animal kingdom, where sexual selection is important in the propagation of the gene pool,
There are different courtship behaviors.
These are the common methods which males in the animal kingdom employ to attract females.
1) Gift Giving: Scorpion fly would wrap cocoon using leaves or twigs to try to sian the females.
2) Perfumed sensation: Male Red spotted newt would release pheromones that serve as an aphrodisiac. The females would not be able to resist.
3) Mating Game: The dominant male would have a harem of females. A satellite male would employ tactics to distract the females and to display characteristics mimicking the dominant male to draw her away from the harem.
4) Fighting fit: Rosters would use the spurs on their legs to battle for the female.
5) Secondary sex display: Peacocks would develop special sexual organs, ornaments to attract females.
Don’t humans behave like animals?
The guy who showers and displays material wealth on/to the girl.
The good looking and hunky guy that oozes with masculinity.
The guys who waits when girls are most vulnerable to make their moves.
Guys who compete with one another to prove they are ‘better’ than the other.
Guys who strut their stuff, showing off their abilities and wealth to girls.
However, there is one particular trait that humans have that animals do not.
Humans have the freedom of choice.
(lets take it at face value and not look into apparent freedom and that we're still influenced by pheromones, hormones etc...)
And we can base our choices on many factors.
Unlike animals which are bound by their instincts, mating physiological adaptations,etc..
humans can make choices based on rationality, emotionality, gut feel etc..
We can be totally illogical, and because we feel good about it, go with the least ‘attractive’ mate.
We can be totally logical and still choose the least ‘attractive’ mate, just because we feel good about it.
Plus we can rationalize, and give ourselves all the reasons in the world on why the choices we make are logical, consistent and hence ‘right’ (this moral argument about right and wrong is another issue altogether…)
For animals its simple. They go straight for the best looking, best smelling, fastest, strongest etc. We can often choose poorly, going after the ugliest, poorest etc etc.
(On a side note, my personal theory on one of the reasons why we developed the ability of ‘choice could stem from the fact that because man is so adaptable and not limited in his environment, we move around and get to mix with many of our own species. Hence there is no pressure to look for the most attractive mate. And that could give rise to the complex social structure that we have, our behaviors... because there is so pressure to breed, we take our time to explore ourselves and our future mates. This ability to choose is no longer based on physiological factors but by our highly evolved brain. This allows us to compare and contrast the sensory perceptions we get in ‘moving around’ and not mating during the first attractive mate we see. Some individuals sensory perceptions becomes ordered and layered and driven by the need to mate (we cannot roam around all the time and not mate), a choice must be made. That gives rise to cognitive abilities. And the need to make choices gives rise to self awareness. Consciousness is born… Ermmm I’m simply sprouting nonsense without technical nor logical consideration. Hehe.. maybe one day I’ll work on this. The mystery of consciousness. My favorite problem!)
Anyway Why is this so, this ability to choose and to make ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ choices?
Perhaps this is a form of selection advantage, where in making ‘wrong’ choices or different mixture of choices, there is greater variation. And we all know variation is the key to survival…
So how do we come to make 'good' and 'right' choices?
like I said, good and right are moral issues.
What is considered good?
What is considered right?
Will continue on this entry another time… to be updated!
As for me? How do I go on making my choice?
Hmmm.. I can go on about the whole philosophy on making choices, or the issues on right and good.
But as a cognitive shortcut, i choose to base it on my 'heart'.
Don't ask me or diss me on what is 'heart'.
I dun wanna go into an ontological argument here.
My 'heart' is what 'I feel'.
There is no point in using logic alone. Because our ability to rationalise 'wrong' into 'right' often spoils everything.
As long as the choice that i make doesnt 'feel' 'bad' or 'wrong', and that it feels so darn good, thats the 'right' choice.
Like what I wrote to this person a week ago...
I followed my heart.I thought hard with my head
I compared and I contrasted.
And I searched deep within my mind and my soul.
Everything will point in one direction.
That direction can not be denied.
Unless you 'choose' to deny it.
Whether its a reality or a 'cruel fate'...
It all boils down on choice.
Destiny awaits...
There are different courtship behaviors.
These are the common methods which males in the animal kingdom employ to attract females.
1) Gift Giving: Scorpion fly would wrap cocoon using leaves or twigs to try to sian the females.
2) Perfumed sensation: Male Red spotted newt would release pheromones that serve as an aphrodisiac. The females would not be able to resist.
3) Mating Game: The dominant male would have a harem of females. A satellite male would employ tactics to distract the females and to display characteristics mimicking the dominant male to draw her away from the harem.
4) Fighting fit: Rosters would use the spurs on their legs to battle for the female.
5) Secondary sex display: Peacocks would develop special sexual organs, ornaments to attract females.
Don’t humans behave like animals?
The guy who showers and displays material wealth on/to the girl.
The good looking and hunky guy that oozes with masculinity.
The guys who waits when girls are most vulnerable to make their moves.
Guys who compete with one another to prove they are ‘better’ than the other.
Guys who strut their stuff, showing off their abilities and wealth to girls.
However, there is one particular trait that humans have that animals do not.
Humans have the freedom of choice.
(lets take it at face value and not look into apparent freedom and that we're still influenced by pheromones, hormones etc...)
And we can base our choices on many factors.
Unlike animals which are bound by their instincts, mating physiological adaptations,etc..
humans can make choices based on rationality, emotionality, gut feel etc..
We can be totally illogical, and because we feel good about it, go with the least ‘attractive’ mate.
We can be totally logical and still choose the least ‘attractive’ mate, just because we feel good about it.
Plus we can rationalize, and give ourselves all the reasons in the world on why the choices we make are logical, consistent and hence ‘right’ (this moral argument about right and wrong is another issue altogether…)
For animals its simple. They go straight for the best looking, best smelling, fastest, strongest etc. We can often choose poorly, going after the ugliest, poorest etc etc.
(On a side note, my personal theory on one of the reasons why we developed the ability of ‘choice could stem from the fact that because man is so adaptable and not limited in his environment, we move around and get to mix with many of our own species. Hence there is no pressure to look for the most attractive mate. And that could give rise to the complex social structure that we have, our behaviors... because there is so pressure to breed, we take our time to explore ourselves and our future mates. This ability to choose is no longer based on physiological factors but by our highly evolved brain. This allows us to compare and contrast the sensory perceptions we get in ‘moving around’ and not mating during the first attractive mate we see. Some individuals sensory perceptions becomes ordered and layered and driven by the need to mate (we cannot roam around all the time and not mate), a choice must be made. That gives rise to cognitive abilities. And the need to make choices gives rise to self awareness. Consciousness is born… Ermmm I’m simply sprouting nonsense without technical nor logical consideration. Hehe.. maybe one day I’ll work on this. The mystery of consciousness. My favorite problem!)
Anyway Why is this so, this ability to choose and to make ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ choices?
Perhaps this is a form of selection advantage, where in making ‘wrong’ choices or different mixture of choices, there is greater variation. And we all know variation is the key to survival…
So how do we come to make 'good' and 'right' choices?
like I said, good and right are moral issues.
What is considered good?
What is considered right?
Will continue on this entry another time… to be updated!
As for me? How do I go on making my choice?
Hmmm.. I can go on about the whole philosophy on making choices, or the issues on right and good.
But as a cognitive shortcut, i choose to base it on my 'heart'.
Don't ask me or diss me on what is 'heart'.
I dun wanna go into an ontological argument here.
My 'heart' is what 'I feel'.
There is no point in using logic alone. Because our ability to rationalise 'wrong' into 'right' often spoils everything.
As long as the choice that i make doesnt 'feel' 'bad' or 'wrong', and that it feels so darn good, thats the 'right' choice.
Like what I wrote to this person a week ago...
I followed my heart.I thought hard with my head
I compared and I contrasted.
And I searched deep within my mind and my soul.
Everything will point in one direction.
That direction can not be denied.
Unless you 'choose' to deny it.
Whether its a reality or a 'cruel fate'...
It all boils down on choice.
Destiny awaits...
Part 7: What's in Store for Me?
Once I had wanted to take my dad to the NIE library for a look see. I was ravishing on how pretty it was and how great it was to hang around there. He chucked and said that he wasn’t interested.
He told me that when he was young, he was just like how I was now.
He said he was idealistic, he had read so many books… on philosophy, literature.. Did alot when he was young...sports, hobbies...
(its true by the way.. Saw all his pics and all the tons of books he had at home) but when he settled down, he realized that all those were simply ideals. Not worthwhile in life.
Life had to be realistic, he said.
His interests now, he told me, were to read not books for knowledge, but books on economics, on stocks and shares. He said he regretted not starting on the quest for material wealth earlier, and that he wanted to impart to me all he knows on stocks and shares so that I would learn how to make money.
He had told me the purpose of life.
To buy a car and then buy a house, make lots of money to make my family comfortable.
I asked him, " after I've achieved buying a car and then a house, whats next? "
He said," That's simple! Buy a bigger car and a bigger house!"
Few days back, he was just quarelling with my mom. My mom had wanted to sign up for some medishield or some incomeshield plan of sorts. They had to pay some $200 plus a year.
And my Dad was grumbling..
Why bother to spend money like that? "If I go, I have a house, I have a car. Sell them off so that you can pay my medical bills and with the remainder you can live comfortably... "
My mom retorted:
"If sell away the house, then i stay where? "
So queer. I wonder why they bother to raise my siblings and I for...
Don't they hope to be able to depend on us in future?
They raised us so that we could set up our own families and live comfortably with a big house and big car?
So that we could perpetuate this situation that they were in?
There is more to life than just material wealth.
Sure it is important.
But surely there are things to do you could do with them than keeping it waiting for the end.
Family.
Why have a family?
I'm still thinking about this..
As for me, I've realised I've been so influenced by my dad, to live and settle down comfortably.
Of course that is so enticing and so comfortable and so .....
Nice...
But I'm not willing to exchange my dreams for it.
I'm not willing to let go of my ideals in exchange for 'reality'
I'm idealistic. But I'm also a person who believes in making dreams a reality.
I want to see the world, explore it for all that its worth.
I've so many interests and hobbies that I want to engage myself in than just dabble in daily living.
I need a drive, I need excitement.
I need romance. I need to explore.
I need to appreciate life for all that its worth.
Its possible. You can have it all. You don't have to abandon your life to achieve these dreams.
I'm a teacher. Perfect! Holidays for me.. I'll have excellent opportunities to engage myself in activity, in travel, in research.
And teaching is flexible too. They even allow us to take extended breaks to go out to work.
I can prove my dad wrong. I can still own a car, a house and support a family well.. Afterall I've already fulfilled one criteria...
And I can still induldge in my dreams, my fantasies, in leading a life of excitement. A life chasing after my ideals.
But I don't want to live life alone.
All I want is just an opportunity to do this with someone that I love.
And for that someone who loves to do all these with me.
Its a motivation. An inspiration. And thats all I lack.
Its all possible.
Its so close, but to have it gone in an instant is something i cannot bare to see happen.
That's why hope prevails.
It's been a long wait....
But my day will come...
He told me that when he was young, he was just like how I was now.
He said he was idealistic, he had read so many books… on philosophy, literature.. Did alot when he was young...sports, hobbies...
(its true by the way.. Saw all his pics and all the tons of books he had at home) but when he settled down, he realized that all those were simply ideals. Not worthwhile in life.
Life had to be realistic, he said.
His interests now, he told me, were to read not books for knowledge, but books on economics, on stocks and shares. He said he regretted not starting on the quest for material wealth earlier, and that he wanted to impart to me all he knows on stocks and shares so that I would learn how to make money.
He had told me the purpose of life.
To buy a car and then buy a house, make lots of money to make my family comfortable.
I asked him, " after I've achieved buying a car and then a house, whats next? "
He said," That's simple! Buy a bigger car and a bigger house!"
Few days back, he was just quarelling with my mom. My mom had wanted to sign up for some medishield or some incomeshield plan of sorts. They had to pay some $200 plus a year.
And my Dad was grumbling..
Why bother to spend money like that? "If I go, I have a house, I have a car. Sell them off so that you can pay my medical bills and with the remainder you can live comfortably... "
My mom retorted:
"If sell away the house, then i stay where? "
So queer. I wonder why they bother to raise my siblings and I for...
Don't they hope to be able to depend on us in future?
They raised us so that we could set up our own families and live comfortably with a big house and big car?
So that we could perpetuate this situation that they were in?
There is more to life than just material wealth.
Sure it is important.
But surely there are things to do you could do with them than keeping it waiting for the end.
Family.
Why have a family?
I'm still thinking about this..
As for me, I've realised I've been so influenced by my dad, to live and settle down comfortably.
Of course that is so enticing and so comfortable and so .....
Nice...
But I'm not willing to exchange my dreams for it.
I'm not willing to let go of my ideals in exchange for 'reality'
I'm idealistic. But I'm also a person who believes in making dreams a reality.
I want to see the world, explore it for all that its worth.
I've so many interests and hobbies that I want to engage myself in than just dabble in daily living.
I need a drive, I need excitement.
I need romance. I need to explore.
I need to appreciate life for all that its worth.
Its possible. You can have it all. You don't have to abandon your life to achieve these dreams.
I'm a teacher. Perfect! Holidays for me.. I'll have excellent opportunities to engage myself in activity, in travel, in research.
And teaching is flexible too. They even allow us to take extended breaks to go out to work.
I can prove my dad wrong. I can still own a car, a house and support a family well.. Afterall I've already fulfilled one criteria...
And I can still induldge in my dreams, my fantasies, in leading a life of excitement. A life chasing after my ideals.
But I don't want to live life alone.
All I want is just an opportunity to do this with someone that I love.
And for that someone who loves to do all these with me.
Its a motivation. An inspiration. And thats all I lack.
Its all possible.
Its so close, but to have it gone in an instant is something i cannot bare to see happen.
That's why hope prevails.
It's been a long wait....
But my day will come...
This morning....
Woke up early this morning feeling great!
Went to cycle and brought my camera along.
Was so happy! But I was missing a crucial ingredient.
I felt empty somehow.
I was missing someone to share and appreciate that same joy with me!
Sigh…
Went to cycle and brought my camera along.
Was so happy! But I was missing a crucial ingredient.
I felt empty somehow.
I was missing someone to share and appreciate that same joy with me!
Sigh…
Song: Journey
Journey - Corrinne May
It’s a long, long journey
Till I know where I’m supposed to be
It’s a long, long journey
And I don’t know if I can believe
When shadows fall and blind my eyes
I am lost, alone but I must fly
It’s a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what’s my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter, I will cry
I know you’ll be standing by my side
It’s a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don’t even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can’t sing my song
Will you break down these walls
And pull me through?
Cos it’s a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan lurks and friends turn to false
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cos it’s a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you...
It’s a long, long journey
Till I know where I’m supposed to be
It’s a long, long journey
And I don’t know if I can believe
When shadows fall and blind my eyes
I am lost, alone but I must fly
It’s a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what’s my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter, I will cry
I know you’ll be standing by my side
It’s a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don’t even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can’t sing my song
Will you break down these walls
And pull me through?
Cos it’s a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan lurks and friends turn to false
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cos it’s a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you...
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Part 6. A slight detour
Followed my plans today to go Funan. Managed to get my stuff done.. (See my Blog entry under Computers …)
Just need to go and collect the stuff tomorrow and I’ll be set.
The company that sells the sea navigational charts replied me as well.. In supra broken English.
Sea Charts sold out. “New edn to be publicaton to be published soon”
Ohh wells… just gotta wait for it.
Proceeded to beach road… wanted to get my jungle hat. Had lost it 2 years back when I watched the lions vs Malaysia match at the national stadium… stupid match. Regretted going.. we lost 2-0. or was it 4-0?
On my way from the MRT, I encountered this queue by lots of old people at a block of flats. Took some snap shots. Disheartening sight.
Reached the army market soon after. I haven’t been there for some time.
Went into this bag shop.. This uncle was particularly nice.. very friendly. Was chatty and all that. Saw me with my camera and started to make small talk about it. Then he jio me this lens pouch that cost $22.. wah! So expensive! Then he deliberated, and grudgingly reduced it to $18 for me. Final offer he said Just for you. He was so nice and seemed so sincere. I almost bought it. Always liked it when pple are nice to me. But I wanted to check out the price first and said ‘later’.
Went into this other shop, the listed price was $13.90. The lady boss just smiled as I entered her shop. I bought it right away. I gave $50. She returned me $37. She says she’ll just charge me $13.
Went to visit this particular shop too. The aunty there would always recognize me whenever I went there. She used to tell me stories about she and her sister.. And how she helped to set up her sister’s shop in Clementi…
But this time I went, apparently she had forgotten about me. She was so consumed with SMSing that she didn’t look up at me. In fact when I tried to ask for some items, she wasn’t friendly and all, and gave a really bo-chap attitude. I’ve been buying stuff from her since sec 1. haven’t gone there in a few years. Memories fade really quickly I guess..
Jungle hat was $27. I bought mine 5 years back for $12. Not worth it.
Bought a hackerman’s stove and a green sling bag.
Ate duck noodles and drank sugar cane juice. Super nice sugar cane uncle.
Went to kallang river and took some photos.
On the way home, decided to treat myself to Taiwan sausage. Somehow it didn’t seem to cheer me up.
Tried slurpee too. But didn’t work.
Something was bogging me really badly ever since I stepped out of the house. Kept thinking about stuff, and especially with the things I saw today, seemed to make my mind go insane once again.
Did she ever love me? Does she still love me? Does she love him? Is her heart really with him now? Or is she with him because she is afraid to break his heart?
Do I deserve her?
I think I do. I’ve done so much… I’ve suffered so much misunderstandings, I’ve lost my friends… I‘ve lost someone who had loved me so unconditionally….
I’ve endured so much pain and suffering just because I wanted her. I want to have her with me. Do I even deserve her? Or does that someone else deserve her more than I do?
Some people are facing family crisis, like divorce or death of a parent, some may be rich souls all their lives then suddenly became bankrupt, some may be jailed, some family member who absconded with money meant for a critical operation for another family member.
How about the wife who lost her husband in a car crash, then her only son in a train accident? She has tons of insurance money, but so what?
Or the teenage girl who was raped by her granddad, then by her step dad?
Raped twice by the people whom she trusted the most.
Everyone has his own personal trials and tribulations. No matter how terrible you think yours is, or how minor you think other peoples are, each individual faces his unique and personal fear that cannot be compared with one another. No matter how we think we are going through the most phenomenal, incredible or uncontrollable pain. It’s how you overcome it that matters. And never rest in your laurels. Even if you do overcome it, you are not the king of the world yet. More trials may await you. Why not use what you’ve learned and gained, and share you experiences on how you overcame your demons. Make the world a better place, so that no one deserves to undergo the same experiences you had. What breaks us can only make us stronger. So that we, and others will not commit the same mistakes again and again.
What have I done to deserve her? I’m the luckiest person around. I have everything. I really do.
I can have almost anything I want.
But is this how you measure how 'deserving' someone it?
I’m a fool. I have fought so hard to get here.
Yet I’m sounding so confused once again.
But am I really confused?
I cannot be assuming, taking stock of the situation based on my own personal perceptions.
I cannot hide away from the truth. I wish I could but I just can’t.
One has to always re-examine himself, question his motive and question others.
One cannot live based solely on one fixed perception.
If she truly loves him with the bottom of her heart, I will have to live with my own emotions and my defeat. But does she? How would she know in the first place?
She had mentioned that she will not leave him, because she was afraid of hurting him.
But then, what about hurting me?
I am just forced to accept that fact.
She mentioned. What breaks her, she would do likewise.
Did I do anything wrong? Was I really weak and unsteady?
I will face it well, for there are those out there in worse states than I am. All I can do is morn and weep, but I will just have to rise again like I had in my previous relationships.
I’ve used to complain to God. Why me? What have I done wrong? And this has happened to me for so many times.
This time round, it is so different. This time, I had fought with every last breath in me to stay rational and sane. And I’ve come this far with my faith, with my hope. That truth will always prevail. But what is truth? It seems so obscure.
There're no complaints on my part.
Someone one told me, to win the heart of your girl; you must be mean and unwavering in showering constant love, devotion and dedication to her. But love is not selfish and it is not about serving my needs. One must be righteous and truthful in love. To win the heart of someone by action deeds or by situation, it will not last. Love built upon by truth, trials, perseverance and kindness will bloom, blossom and grow beyond ones expectation.
It is also not serving the other person’s needs. You cannot love someone because ‘he needs me’, nor can you love someone because ‘I don’t want to hurt him’. Should you even love someone based on his merits? Or should you love someone despite of his demerits?
How should you decide who you should love?
Or who ‘deserves’ your love?
Is it about rationality? Or is it about emotionality?
I realize it now.
It is neither. It is based on your heart.
If your heart is telling you what is good, do good.
If you commit yourself because of rationality, despite your heart telling you that it is wrong, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice and the other party too.
Regret and the conscience kills.
What is all this about? I really don’t know.
I’ve been treading in murky waters for so long.
What is to become of all of this?
Hope. Man must always have hope. It is never a defeatist attitude, nor a sign of weakness to face the truth. Hope is not over confidence, nor is it the emotion of a fool who has not done his part in chasing his dreams. Hope is not being conceited, not about being boastful. Hope is temperance, fortitude and patience and self discipline and courage to stay on ones quest for his dreams, despite the odds, despite the confusion. Hope is a journey, long and tedious. No journey is ever smooth and complete. There will be obstacles and difficulties. Sometimes you must take detours too, like now. But one must stay focused on the destination, if he is to reach it.
My hope still stands.
2 more days. But it seems so far away.
I don't feel God with me now.
He has been with me all this while! Where is He now? so queer!
Just need to go and collect the stuff tomorrow and I’ll be set.
The company that sells the sea navigational charts replied me as well.. In supra broken English.
Sea Charts sold out. “New edn to be publicaton to be published soon”
Ohh wells… just gotta wait for it.
Proceeded to beach road… wanted to get my jungle hat. Had lost it 2 years back when I watched the lions vs Malaysia match at the national stadium… stupid match. Regretted going.. we lost 2-0. or was it 4-0?
On my way from the MRT, I encountered this queue by lots of old people at a block of flats. Took some snap shots. Disheartening sight.
Reached the army market soon after. I haven’t been there for some time.
Went into this bag shop.. This uncle was particularly nice.. very friendly. Was chatty and all that. Saw me with my camera and started to make small talk about it. Then he jio me this lens pouch that cost $22.. wah! So expensive! Then he deliberated, and grudgingly reduced it to $18 for me. Final offer he said Just for you. He was so nice and seemed so sincere. I almost bought it. Always liked it when pple are nice to me. But I wanted to check out the price first and said ‘later’.
Went into this other shop, the listed price was $13.90. The lady boss just smiled as I entered her shop. I bought it right away. I gave $50. She returned me $37. She says she’ll just charge me $13.
Went to visit this particular shop too. The aunty there would always recognize me whenever I went there. She used to tell me stories about she and her sister.. And how she helped to set up her sister’s shop in Clementi…
But this time I went, apparently she had forgotten about me. She was so consumed with SMSing that she didn’t look up at me. In fact when I tried to ask for some items, she wasn’t friendly and all, and gave a really bo-chap attitude. I’ve been buying stuff from her since sec 1. haven’t gone there in a few years. Memories fade really quickly I guess..
Jungle hat was $27. I bought mine 5 years back for $12. Not worth it.
Bought a hackerman’s stove and a green sling bag.
Ate duck noodles and drank sugar cane juice. Super nice sugar cane uncle.
Went to kallang river and took some photos.
On the way home, decided to treat myself to Taiwan sausage. Somehow it didn’t seem to cheer me up.
Tried slurpee too. But didn’t work.
Something was bogging me really badly ever since I stepped out of the house. Kept thinking about stuff, and especially with the things I saw today, seemed to make my mind go insane once again.
Did she ever love me? Does she still love me? Does she love him? Is her heart really with him now? Or is she with him because she is afraid to break his heart?
Do I deserve her?
I think I do. I’ve done so much… I’ve suffered so much misunderstandings, I’ve lost my friends… I‘ve lost someone who had loved me so unconditionally….
I’ve endured so much pain and suffering just because I wanted her. I want to have her with me. Do I even deserve her? Or does that someone else deserve her more than I do?
Some people are facing family crisis, like divorce or death of a parent, some may be rich souls all their lives then suddenly became bankrupt, some may be jailed, some family member who absconded with money meant for a critical operation for another family member.
How about the wife who lost her husband in a car crash, then her only son in a train accident? She has tons of insurance money, but so what?
Or the teenage girl who was raped by her granddad, then by her step dad?
Raped twice by the people whom she trusted the most.
Everyone has his own personal trials and tribulations. No matter how terrible you think yours is, or how minor you think other peoples are, each individual faces his unique and personal fear that cannot be compared with one another. No matter how we think we are going through the most phenomenal, incredible or uncontrollable pain. It’s how you overcome it that matters. And never rest in your laurels. Even if you do overcome it, you are not the king of the world yet. More trials may await you. Why not use what you’ve learned and gained, and share you experiences on how you overcame your demons. Make the world a better place, so that no one deserves to undergo the same experiences you had. What breaks us can only make us stronger. So that we, and others will not commit the same mistakes again and again.
What have I done to deserve her? I’m the luckiest person around. I have everything. I really do.
I can have almost anything I want.
But is this how you measure how 'deserving' someone it?
I’m a fool. I have fought so hard to get here.
Yet I’m sounding so confused once again.
But am I really confused?
I cannot be assuming, taking stock of the situation based on my own personal perceptions.
I cannot hide away from the truth. I wish I could but I just can’t.
One has to always re-examine himself, question his motive and question others.
One cannot live based solely on one fixed perception.
If she truly loves him with the bottom of her heart, I will have to live with my own emotions and my defeat. But does she? How would she know in the first place?
She had mentioned that she will not leave him, because she was afraid of hurting him.
But then, what about hurting me?
I am just forced to accept that fact.
She mentioned. What breaks her, she would do likewise.
Did I do anything wrong? Was I really weak and unsteady?
I will face it well, for there are those out there in worse states than I am. All I can do is morn and weep, but I will just have to rise again like I had in my previous relationships.
I’ve used to complain to God. Why me? What have I done wrong? And this has happened to me for so many times.
This time round, it is so different. This time, I had fought with every last breath in me to stay rational and sane. And I’ve come this far with my faith, with my hope. That truth will always prevail. But what is truth? It seems so obscure.
There're no complaints on my part.
Someone one told me, to win the heart of your girl; you must be mean and unwavering in showering constant love, devotion and dedication to her. But love is not selfish and it is not about serving my needs. One must be righteous and truthful in love. To win the heart of someone by action deeds or by situation, it will not last. Love built upon by truth, trials, perseverance and kindness will bloom, blossom and grow beyond ones expectation.
It is also not serving the other person’s needs. You cannot love someone because ‘he needs me’, nor can you love someone because ‘I don’t want to hurt him’. Should you even love someone based on his merits? Or should you love someone despite of his demerits?
How should you decide who you should love?
Or who ‘deserves’ your love?
Is it about rationality? Or is it about emotionality?
I realize it now.
It is neither. It is based on your heart.
If your heart is telling you what is good, do good.
If you commit yourself because of rationality, despite your heart telling you that it is wrong, you’ll be doing yourself a disservice and the other party too.
Regret and the conscience kills.
What is all this about? I really don’t know.
I’ve been treading in murky waters for so long.
What is to become of all of this?
Hope. Man must always have hope. It is never a defeatist attitude, nor a sign of weakness to face the truth. Hope is not over confidence, nor is it the emotion of a fool who has not done his part in chasing his dreams. Hope is not being conceited, not about being boastful. Hope is temperance, fortitude and patience and self discipline and courage to stay on ones quest for his dreams, despite the odds, despite the confusion. Hope is a journey, long and tedious. No journey is ever smooth and complete. There will be obstacles and difficulties. Sometimes you must take detours too, like now. But one must stay focused on the destination, if he is to reach it.
My hope still stands.
2 more days. But it seems so far away.
I don't feel God with me now.
He has been with me all this while! Where is He now? so queer!
Part 5. The way to do things (Tuesday)
Yesterday, I had loads of fun washing my car in the lazy Tuesday morning. Have been sooooo lazy I tell ya. Kept harping that I need to wash I need to wash.. But never gotten around to do it. (but then again.. I did wash it last week… but I need to be habitual you see….)
Now I will put in my best efforts not to be lazy and make it a habitual thing.
Last time I used to grumble.. that its such a stupid thing to take care and maintain the car.. esp when I want to sell it off after 4 years.. I mean why maintain it so well when you are going to let it go? And why should one be so dedicated and be a slave to a machine?
My washing habit:
I would just spray at it at full pressure (to wet the car and remove the dirt), soap it casually, rinse it once again at full spray, and dry it even more carelessly.
This time round, I dunno what got into me. (maybe it was my brother’s presence… He was washing his car next to me..and he has the habit of always niaoing me when ever I was doing something…)
Anyway, instead of spraying at my car aimlessly, I decided to be meticulous and purpose full. I sprayed very gently and using my hands, I would try to wipe away the dirt and grime..
This was when I accidentally sprayed at my bros car.. hehe..
Then came the part where I had to soap the car.
Nothing special here. Just a super foamy and wet sponge to cover every crevice and cranny of the exterior parts of the car… got my topless self wet in the process.. Feels shoik man.. Under the morning sun with foamy car wash on ya! Haha.. Dodge ball came to mind.. Queer…
And instead of unpurposefully spraying away the soap, I took special care and consideration to spray away the soap, and spraying into the cracks and joints to make sure all the soap were flushed out. I’m good aren’t I?
Anyway when it was time to dry the car, and instead of just drying it on the surface, I opened up all the doors and bonnets, boot, fuel tank compartments, and dried all the seams and seals.. I made sure every part was dry.. Except maybe the under carriage, and in between the engine components, and the rims and the tires etc etc… But the whole idea was, I took care and effort to dry the parts as best as I could. I’m really good!
And it gets better! Besides cleaning the interior of the car, I took a pair of tweezers from my room and removed all the tiny bits that were such under the rubber seals, as well twigs and leaves that were trapped in the engine compartment.
Yah la yah la.... atll is sooooo ‘good’.. Soooooo what?
The point I’m trying to put across here is not that I’m good. But in being meticulous, diligent, patient.. It makes you feel GREAT!
I felt so proud of myself and my efforts!
Although it drizzled later and ruined all of my best efforts to keep my car clean and shiny..
Its in the effort and love you put into the little things you do that makes you feel great.
It’s not the outcome, nor the purpose or the ends that makes a man, or success that makes a man great.
Its in the little things he does, in every day chores, no matter big or small, done in temperance, patience, meticulous, diligence that makes him consistent and true to himself.
It is in consistency and truth that reflects upon a person’s character, his stature, his soul.
It is in the way he carries himself in everyday activity and deeds that determines a person’s worth.
Though no one may take notice in his efforts.
Try as he may, others may be blinded by the results. People are judged by their ends, rather than their means.
For this man, sometimes he succeeds. Sometimes he fails. But with each failure, he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t give in to peoples’ rejection, nor peoples taunting of being a loser and a failure. He remains steadfast in his beliefs, his ideals and his dreams.
Though he may stop to rest, to recompose, to reorganize;
He picks himself up ultimately and with the tenacity of a fighter, he doesn’t turn his back on who he is, and tries again, when the time is ripe.
Moral of the story?
Although it drizzled after all my painstaking efforts of washing the car,
I will not get
pissed,
angry,
fedup or
give up getting my car truly clean.
I shall wash it again when the time is right.
;)
About $$$$
This morning (Wednesday) I asked my mom about the outcome of my ‘future tuition kids’. She says they haven decided if they need a tutor.. Sigh.. Dammit.. I’ve decided.
I’m willing to teach them maths.
I will die die take up the textbook to learn my math from scratch.
And I’ll charge them half price off normal rates because of my “incompetence”.
It’s up to them if they wanna take the risk of hiring me!
I’ll can only promise to do my best if they do accept me.
Likewise I’ll say this to the girl of my dreams.
It’s a risk to be with me.
I can only promise to do my best.
If you are willing to accept me.
One things for sure, I won't give up!
Just heard the song Love will keep us alive over the radio.
Bah!
I say: Hope will keep me alive.
Keeping my fingers crossed!
Now I will put in my best efforts not to be lazy and make it a habitual thing.
Last time I used to grumble.. that its such a stupid thing to take care and maintain the car.. esp when I want to sell it off after 4 years.. I mean why maintain it so well when you are going to let it go? And why should one be so dedicated and be a slave to a machine?
My washing habit:
I would just spray at it at full pressure (to wet the car and remove the dirt), soap it casually, rinse it once again at full spray, and dry it even more carelessly.
This time round, I dunno what got into me. (maybe it was my brother’s presence… He was washing his car next to me..and he has the habit of always niaoing me when ever I was doing something…)
Anyway, instead of spraying at my car aimlessly, I decided to be meticulous and purpose full. I sprayed very gently and using my hands, I would try to wipe away the dirt and grime..
This was when I accidentally sprayed at my bros car.. hehe..
Then came the part where I had to soap the car.
Nothing special here. Just a super foamy and wet sponge to cover every crevice and cranny of the exterior parts of the car… got my topless self wet in the process.. Feels shoik man.. Under the morning sun with foamy car wash on ya! Haha.. Dodge ball came to mind.. Queer…
And instead of unpurposefully spraying away the soap, I took special care and consideration to spray away the soap, and spraying into the cracks and joints to make sure all the soap were flushed out. I’m good aren’t I?
Anyway when it was time to dry the car, and instead of just drying it on the surface, I opened up all the doors and bonnets, boot, fuel tank compartments, and dried all the seams and seals.. I made sure every part was dry.. Except maybe the under carriage, and in between the engine components, and the rims and the tires etc etc… But the whole idea was, I took care and effort to dry the parts as best as I could. I’m really good!
And it gets better! Besides cleaning the interior of the car, I took a pair of tweezers from my room and removed all the tiny bits that were such under the rubber seals, as well twigs and leaves that were trapped in the engine compartment.
Yah la yah la.... atll is sooooo ‘good’.. Soooooo what?
The point I’m trying to put across here is not that I’m good. But in being meticulous, diligent, patient.. It makes you feel GREAT!
I felt so proud of myself and my efforts!
Although it drizzled later and ruined all of my best efforts to keep my car clean and shiny..
Its in the effort and love you put into the little things you do that makes you feel great.
It’s not the outcome, nor the purpose or the ends that makes a man, or success that makes a man great.
Its in the little things he does, in every day chores, no matter big or small, done in temperance, patience, meticulous, diligence that makes him consistent and true to himself.
It is in consistency and truth that reflects upon a person’s character, his stature, his soul.
It is in the way he carries himself in everyday activity and deeds that determines a person’s worth.
Though no one may take notice in his efforts.
Try as he may, others may be blinded by the results. People are judged by their ends, rather than their means.
For this man, sometimes he succeeds. Sometimes he fails. But with each failure, he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t give in to peoples’ rejection, nor peoples taunting of being a loser and a failure. He remains steadfast in his beliefs, his ideals and his dreams.
Though he may stop to rest, to recompose, to reorganize;
He picks himself up ultimately and with the tenacity of a fighter, he doesn’t turn his back on who he is, and tries again, when the time is ripe.
Moral of the story?
Although it drizzled after all my painstaking efforts of washing the car,
I will not get
pissed,
angry,
fedup or
give up getting my car truly clean.
I shall wash it again when the time is right.
;)
About $$$$
This morning (Wednesday) I asked my mom about the outcome of my ‘future tuition kids’. She says they haven decided if they need a tutor.. Sigh.. Dammit.. I’ve decided.
I’m willing to teach them maths.
I will die die take up the textbook to learn my math from scratch.
And I’ll charge them half price off normal rates because of my “incompetence”.
It’s up to them if they wanna take the risk of hiring me!
I’ll can only promise to do my best if they do accept me.
Likewise I’ll say this to the girl of my dreams.
It’s a risk to be with me.
I can only promise to do my best.
If you are willing to accept me.
One things for sure, I won't give up!
Just heard the song Love will keep us alive over the radio.
Bah!
I say: Hope will keep me alive.
Keeping my fingers crossed!
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Pic: My brother's and my car..
Glistening under the sun after a wash... Arn't they pretty and Shiny?
So fun today.. Washing car with my bro..
I accidently sprayed water at his car today after he had dried it.
But he said nothing.
I had half expected him to tell me to lick it dry or clean it or something.
oh wells.. I guess after the last 'show down' incident i had with him...
He's begining to treat me with more respect liao.
:)
Part 4: What now?
It feels kinda weird being free once again. Had abandoned so many of my interests and aspects of my old self… I’m glad I’m picking up the pieces once again! Hopefully I won’t lose the motivation.. i'm thankful for that special someone who was my source of inspiration to start over new once again. I pray I will not lose that someone/motivation.
SO I better blog it down or else I’d forget!
Cycling
Been cycling the past 2 week.. Made me feel so young again! Used to cycle so much when I was young… Every evening I remember, I would take my bike out for a spin around the neighborhood. Meet up with neighbors to play games…. Sigh.. The innocence of youth… Will need to look for more challenging places to cycle once again! Miss the times I used to cycle to Malaysia and around Singapore… shall do that soon once I get into shape!!
Photography.. Then cool Gadgets… Money money money…
Last week while driving to Kranji dam, I saw the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen! (at least in Singapore…
There’s such a wide open space. You could see the arc across the entire sky!
Though I didn’t see the pot of old at the other end, the rainbow was so close to me that you could see where it originated from.. It was truly … AMAZING!
And later driving to Mandai, i saw the sky.. so beautiful!
It was sunset, and it was cloudy…
Could see the sunlight shining through the break in the clouds.
It was sooooooo….. nice!
break taking.
I wished I had brought my baby along…Dammit! Spent my entire months salary on it and i hadn't gone for a photo escapade yet.
Anyway I've learnt my lesson. My baby is in my car wherever i go. ;)
But i should really get hmmm a new phone with camera.. So at least if my baby is not with me, I can snap it off my phone...
I've been eyeing the m65 for so long. Any other suggestions?
Maybe I should get one of those PDA smart phones.. Think the 02 with 1.3 megapix camera looks interesting. Must remember to go and take a look at it. It'll be perfect!
A PDA, camera and phone! then i don't have to lug all of my stuff separately.
It can all be in one package!
But $$$ lah.. Waste lahh.....just received my second installment for my car today… Sigh…
$$$$ issues
My mom was just asking me whether i was interested in giving tuition to sec 1
students next year.. I was eating my breakfast then. I stopped eating my cereal and my eyes lit up. Of course i want!I need the $$$ badly! To finance my daily expenditures..
(hehe.. and all the cool gadget and toys i wanna buy... Muahahahaha)
But how much am I going to charge? Hmmm.. I keep getting into this moral dilemma..
I wish i could teach sciences, English or humanities.. but my mom said they needed maths tuition. MATH! I just "love' maths lor... i guess i could teach sec 1 maths.. just for the money's sake.. But i've no passion in it. And if you have no passion in what you teach.. sigh.. the kids are gonna suffer man...
ANything! i'll take bio, chem, physics, english, literature, geography, history. Even if i dun know the subject i'll pick it up and learn it well enough to teach. But Maths? BLEH!
To think i used to be good in math in primary sch. haha.
I'm a chess player! And you know what they say. Chess players are good in maths.
Don’t think I’ll teach them math. It wouldn’t be fair to them. I had a C in C maths. Haha..
A bang! when you free we play again? Really enjoyed myself with you last week when we played chinese chess at macs!
Maybe I should join the intellectual federation… is that what its called? It’s a series of clubs for intellectual games like bridge, chess, wei qi etc… hehe.. I wanna be a geek. ;)
See the Sea!
Last weekend, spent 2 whole days learning about boats… All over again!!
Next week is finally the practical hands on session. I’ll finally be able to go back to sea!
YAY!
Met an old army friend as well... Super duper nice guy lor.. Had loooked after me really well
whilst I was in army.. And guess what? He is good looking, super duper nice, and just got married!
And his wife is sooooo sweet. Surprised him by signing him up for the power boat course..
He just became a Christian… and guess which church he’s attending??
AGAPE! hehe.. Such a small world.
He’s in the same reservist unit as me as well. Was just saying how fun it was during reservist.. He’s a coxswain! I also want! To be back in the sea…
Sigh.. He was just mentioning that lots of guys had gotten their boat license liao.. It seems that once you have tasted the sea… there is no turning your back from it!
I can't wait to go back to the sea! the practical will be held along the Singapore straits. But the test will be held near the southern islands.
I wish i could explain my excitement. Had always wanted to cruize along the southern islands for years! Had a plan to go one of the islands there. now I can fulfill it finally. Soon. SOon... This will be the first step into the ocean.
Lately, I’ve just been inspired to visit a particular place. Have been reading lots of stuff on it. And its going to be one of the things I want to do before I die... It'll take years and years to prepare. But one day... Some day... hopefully it will happen...
yay! want to buy a small boat.. and its cheap! just need to pay $$$ for berthing. Anyone live near the coastlines where i can store my boat in your house? ;)
Will go down to the treasury building one of these days. Wanna buy some sea charts to start planning and preparing for the test and future cruises! yay!
Exercise and Sports
Played squash last week! Great to sweat it out.. Though my mind was so preoccupied… at least my body had a good workout! Will go get a squash racket soon… And will want to learn tennis once I have the chance.. And I’ve lost soooooo much weight.. Really! Guess the 2 week ordeal really strained me out and it really helped me to lose my tummy! Sigh.. Muscle has wasted too.. Need to build myself up again…
Last night during dinner, the Singapore Laos match was on.. The coffee shop was filled with pple transfixed on the match.. Haha. Its been some time since I last watched a soccer match.. (hhmmm but then again just watched the man u match last week).. but the idea is that I’ve been away from spectator sports for so long! Missed out on the power boat racing a few weeks back.. and then there was the water jet ski at sentosa… outta find old/new khakis… The café at nus seems like a good place on sat and sun nights to catch matches.. maybe I’ll organize something one day!
Managed to go for a jog this evening. My 2.4 timing is the fastest in the world! 12.5 mins! How come it gets worse each time I run??? Will use a digital watch next time. ;)
This evenings jog was damn funny! I parked my bike at some HDB void deck then I went to run. When I came back, I got lost! I forgot where I parked my bike! Haha! I keep getting lost where ever I go.. Esp when I drive.. To think I always pride myself for being an ex-scout and always boasting about my navigation and orienteering skills!
Anyway I gotta buck up.. need to train up for IPPT proper..
My blog. New updates.
So bored during my hols. Decided to update my blog as and when I can.. . Shall update new stuff whenever I'm free! Serves as a really good distraction too.
Have set up new categories to make for an easier read.
Been wanting to set up my own website for years! Guess I was too comfortable and lazy to start anything. Now i have all the time in the world. With nothing to live for.... hmmmm its a good thing rite? hmmmm... I sound crazy but I’m not!
Blogging is the most amazing thing that has happened to me. Writing is an extremely good way to sort out the mind and feelings… Ever since I started, It has helped me to stay focused and to serve as a retrospect on my thoughts and actions. Shall explain it another day..
One day i shall have my own server. Someday… Will start to read up on PHP first.. (btw I uploaded something on PHP under my links : computers.
Reading
Bought so many books that I’ve not yet finished reading.. I still have one more chapter of eleven minutes to read..
Paulo Coelho is a real inspiration to me. His books have really touched me and made me feel really good about myself. Been reading his compilation of quotes from his books titled: Life.. And when ever I was down last week, I was reading the manual of the warrior of light. Made all the difference between giving up and staying strong… Inspiration at its best…
So much more to report.. And to make sure I do it.
Will continue to do so at a later date..
For now….
plan for wed: Go beach road shopping, go funan get warranty card stamped, buy dry cabinet (about time!) maybe drop by simlim to get a card reader.
Plan for thur: go get my freebies and sea charts.
Plan for Fri: Keeping my fingers crossed!
Haven felt this good about life in such a long time. Feel so alive. I really really hope to be able to stay on this course. Wish me luck!
SO I better blog it down or else I’d forget!
Cycling
Been cycling the past 2 week.. Made me feel so young again! Used to cycle so much when I was young… Every evening I remember, I would take my bike out for a spin around the neighborhood. Meet up with neighbors to play games…. Sigh.. The innocence of youth… Will need to look for more challenging places to cycle once again! Miss the times I used to cycle to Malaysia and around Singapore… shall do that soon once I get into shape!!
Photography.. Then cool Gadgets… Money money money…
Last week while driving to Kranji dam, I saw the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen! (at least in Singapore…
There’s such a wide open space. You could see the arc across the entire sky!
Though I didn’t see the pot of old at the other end, the rainbow was so close to me that you could see where it originated from.. It was truly … AMAZING!
And later driving to Mandai, i saw the sky.. so beautiful!
It was sunset, and it was cloudy…
Could see the sunlight shining through the break in the clouds.
It was sooooooo….. nice!
break taking.
I wished I had brought my baby along…Dammit! Spent my entire months salary on it and i hadn't gone for a photo escapade yet.
Anyway I've learnt my lesson. My baby is in my car wherever i go. ;)
But i should really get hmmm a new phone with camera.. So at least if my baby is not with me, I can snap it off my phone...
I've been eyeing the m65 for so long. Any other suggestions?
Maybe I should get one of those PDA smart phones.. Think the 02 with 1.3 megapix camera looks interesting. Must remember to go and take a look at it. It'll be perfect!
A PDA, camera and phone! then i don't have to lug all of my stuff separately.
It can all be in one package!
But $$$ lah.. Waste lahh.....just received my second installment for my car today… Sigh…
$$$$ issues
My mom was just asking me whether i was interested in giving tuition to sec 1
students next year.. I was eating my breakfast then. I stopped eating my cereal and my eyes lit up. Of course i want!I need the $$$ badly! To finance my daily expenditures..
(hehe.. and all the cool gadget and toys i wanna buy... Muahahahaha)
But how much am I going to charge? Hmmm.. I keep getting into this moral dilemma..
I wish i could teach sciences, English or humanities.. but my mom said they needed maths tuition. MATH! I just "love' maths lor... i guess i could teach sec 1 maths.. just for the money's sake.. But i've no passion in it. And if you have no passion in what you teach.. sigh.. the kids are gonna suffer man...
ANything! i'll take bio, chem, physics, english, literature, geography, history. Even if i dun know the subject i'll pick it up and learn it well enough to teach. But Maths? BLEH!
To think i used to be good in math in primary sch. haha.
I'm a chess player! And you know what they say. Chess players are good in maths.
Don’t think I’ll teach them math. It wouldn’t be fair to them. I had a C in C maths. Haha..
A bang! when you free we play again? Really enjoyed myself with you last week when we played chinese chess at macs!
Maybe I should join the intellectual federation… is that what its called? It’s a series of clubs for intellectual games like bridge, chess, wei qi etc… hehe.. I wanna be a geek. ;)
See the Sea!
Last weekend, spent 2 whole days learning about boats… All over again!!
Next week is finally the practical hands on session. I’ll finally be able to go back to sea!
YAY!
Met an old army friend as well... Super duper nice guy lor.. Had loooked after me really well
whilst I was in army.. And guess what? He is good looking, super duper nice, and just got married!
And his wife is sooooo sweet. Surprised him by signing him up for the power boat course..
He just became a Christian… and guess which church he’s attending??
AGAPE! hehe.. Such a small world.
He’s in the same reservist unit as me as well. Was just saying how fun it was during reservist.. He’s a coxswain! I also want! To be back in the sea…
Sigh.. He was just mentioning that lots of guys had gotten their boat license liao.. It seems that once you have tasted the sea… there is no turning your back from it!
I can't wait to go back to the sea! the practical will be held along the Singapore straits. But the test will be held near the southern islands.
I wish i could explain my excitement. Had always wanted to cruize along the southern islands for years! Had a plan to go one of the islands there. now I can fulfill it finally. Soon. SOon... This will be the first step into the ocean.
Lately, I’ve just been inspired to visit a particular place. Have been reading lots of stuff on it. And its going to be one of the things I want to do before I die... It'll take years and years to prepare. But one day... Some day... hopefully it will happen...
yay! want to buy a small boat.. and its cheap! just need to pay $$$ for berthing. Anyone live near the coastlines where i can store my boat in your house? ;)
Will go down to the treasury building one of these days. Wanna buy some sea charts to start planning and preparing for the test and future cruises! yay!
Exercise and Sports
Played squash last week! Great to sweat it out.. Though my mind was so preoccupied… at least my body had a good workout! Will go get a squash racket soon… And will want to learn tennis once I have the chance.. And I’ve lost soooooo much weight.. Really! Guess the 2 week ordeal really strained me out and it really helped me to lose my tummy! Sigh.. Muscle has wasted too.. Need to build myself up again…
Last night during dinner, the Singapore Laos match was on.. The coffee shop was filled with pple transfixed on the match.. Haha. Its been some time since I last watched a soccer match.. (hhmmm but then again just watched the man u match last week).. but the idea is that I’ve been away from spectator sports for so long! Missed out on the power boat racing a few weeks back.. and then there was the water jet ski at sentosa… outta find old/new khakis… The café at nus seems like a good place on sat and sun nights to catch matches.. maybe I’ll organize something one day!
Managed to go for a jog this evening. My 2.4 timing is the fastest in the world! 12.5 mins! How come it gets worse each time I run??? Will use a digital watch next time. ;)
This evenings jog was damn funny! I parked my bike at some HDB void deck then I went to run. When I came back, I got lost! I forgot where I parked my bike! Haha! I keep getting lost where ever I go.. Esp when I drive.. To think I always pride myself for being an ex-scout and always boasting about my navigation and orienteering skills!
Anyway I gotta buck up.. need to train up for IPPT proper..
My blog. New updates.
So bored during my hols. Decided to update my blog as and when I can.. . Shall update new stuff whenever I'm free! Serves as a really good distraction too.
Have set up new categories to make for an easier read.
Been wanting to set up my own website for years! Guess I was too comfortable and lazy to start anything. Now i have all the time in the world. With nothing to live for.... hmmmm its a good thing rite? hmmmm... I sound crazy but I’m not!
Blogging is the most amazing thing that has happened to me. Writing is an extremely good way to sort out the mind and feelings… Ever since I started, It has helped me to stay focused and to serve as a retrospect on my thoughts and actions. Shall explain it another day..
One day i shall have my own server. Someday… Will start to read up on PHP first.. (btw I uploaded something on PHP under my links : computers.
Reading
Bought so many books that I’ve not yet finished reading.. I still have one more chapter of eleven minutes to read..
Paulo Coelho is a real inspiration to me. His books have really touched me and made me feel really good about myself. Been reading his compilation of quotes from his books titled: Life.. And when ever I was down last week, I was reading the manual of the warrior of light. Made all the difference between giving up and staying strong… Inspiration at its best…
So much more to report.. And to make sure I do it.
Will continue to do so at a later date..
For now….
plan for wed: Go beach road shopping, go funan get warranty card stamped, buy dry cabinet (about time!) maybe drop by simlim to get a card reader.
Plan for thur: go get my freebies and sea charts.
Plan for Fri: Keeping my fingers crossed!
Haven felt this good about life in such a long time. Feel so alive. I really really hope to be able to stay on this course. Wish me luck!
Part 3: Dinner then East Coast (Monday)
It’s so weird to be so free and single. Freedom is scary.
Right after cycling, I met up with some friends for dinner.
Supposed to meet at Eunos MRT at 715. But I got lost… (as usual) and reached there late.
We were supposed to go Siglap for thai food. But the #$@ place was closed. Monday lah!
But we went to bedok instead. We had a feast. I was full. Yet I felt empty.. Hmmm…
Everyone left. I didn’t want to go home so early. I went to nearby east coast.
As soon as I parked the car, wow.. The wind, the salty sea air smell. I had just spent so much time at so many beaches in Singapore the past week. Yet I couldn’t get enough of it.
Sigh. The perfect place to be.
But….. I went there with the wrong person.
I shouldn’t have gone there with me.
As I walked along the shoreline, I passed wave after wave after wave after wave…
Of romancing couples. Dammit…I felt like the only person in the whole wide world without a companion. In fact, I was.
I selected a nice spot and sat down.
The waves were fiercely slapping on the shore, creating thunderous roars. It was as if the sea was angry with me for joining the east coast beach couples party 2004 without a date.
The stars however, were nice to me.
Whenever I looked up to gaze into the night sky, the stars would glitter brightly, silently and steadily for me. They were sparkling and saying hi to me from their fixed positions up in the cloudless sky.
The endless line of ships over the horizon, called out to me too.
‘Soon’ I told them. Soon, I might just join them.
Boys and girls (okay.. some uncles and aunties too), were seated precariously close (sometimes one on top of the another) in pairs (hopefully one boy one girl.. too dark cannot see).
They were so engaged with each other in their own little world. They were so caught up with each other and were oblivious to their surroundings; and paid no care and attention to this little boy who was seated all alone amongst them, bent over his little handheld computer, feverishly hitting out at the keys which were to constitute his blog for the night.
If he were here two weeks before, upon seeing the love and affection around him, he would have jumped into the sea and crashed into the crashing waves. (my gosh.. What amazing prose...)
Why would he do that?
He had given his heart, leaden full with treasure, to the girl of his dreams. She however, "tore it apart, and broke his angelic heart"…
(Actually, she took it, went to east coast beach and tossed it into the waves. That’s why he wants to jump in to look for it again. =) )
btw, this boy is not me. I’m a romantic. I just like to imagine such tragic tales of love. Hehe..
I’m certain that many many weeks before, there was a certain girl, full of love in her heart, had her heart broken by me. I had tossed her heart into the sea, because I was chasing my own dreams. What goes around, comes around perhaps. Maybe that’s why my heart is destined to be broken forever as well. Maybe I’m destined to be alone, like what’s happening now.
I don’t know the future. Maybe, maybe not.
For me, I’ve not given up on hope.
I’m just sitting here, enjoying this time of solitude and freedom to be amongst love, the stars and the sea.
Anyway i didn’t stay long.
Hate being alone and I felt cold. (Didn’t bring my jacket and no one to keep me warm either)
And the love all around me was making my hair stand.
Hmmm…contradiction. If my hair was standing, air would be trapped, heated and I shouldn’t be feeling cold… so why was I feeling cold? Hmmmm….
Before I went back to the car, there was one couple that didn’t behave intimately. Hmmm. A rare find. They looked more like friends…
Tot everyone here were lovers. Or else why did they come here in the first place?
‘Soon’ I told myself. Soon, I had wanted to tell them. ;)
Saw this really cute cat and kitten too. Former was grey, latter orange. Hmm not related i suppose. Forgot about what i learnt about epigenetics.
They were soooooooo adorable.
I tried to reach out to pet them. But they ran away from me.
Scaddy cats.
Hmph.
Right after cycling, I met up with some friends for dinner.
Supposed to meet at Eunos MRT at 715. But I got lost… (as usual) and reached there late.
We were supposed to go Siglap for thai food. But the #$@ place was closed. Monday lah!
But we went to bedok instead. We had a feast. I was full. Yet I felt empty.. Hmmm…
Everyone left. I didn’t want to go home so early. I went to nearby east coast.
As soon as I parked the car, wow.. The wind, the salty sea air smell. I had just spent so much time at so many beaches in Singapore the past week. Yet I couldn’t get enough of it.
Sigh. The perfect place to be.
But….. I went there with the wrong person.
I shouldn’t have gone there with me.
As I walked along the shoreline, I passed wave after wave after wave after wave…
Of romancing couples. Dammit…I felt like the only person in the whole wide world without a companion. In fact, I was.
I selected a nice spot and sat down.
The waves were fiercely slapping on the shore, creating thunderous roars. It was as if the sea was angry with me for joining the east coast beach couples party 2004 without a date.
The stars however, were nice to me.
Whenever I looked up to gaze into the night sky, the stars would glitter brightly, silently and steadily for me. They were sparkling and saying hi to me from their fixed positions up in the cloudless sky.
The endless line of ships over the horizon, called out to me too.
‘Soon’ I told them. Soon, I might just join them.
Boys and girls (okay.. some uncles and aunties too), were seated precariously close (sometimes one on top of the another) in pairs (hopefully one boy one girl.. too dark cannot see).
They were so engaged with each other in their own little world. They were so caught up with each other and were oblivious to their surroundings; and paid no care and attention to this little boy who was seated all alone amongst them, bent over his little handheld computer, feverishly hitting out at the keys which were to constitute his blog for the night.
If he were here two weeks before, upon seeing the love and affection around him, he would have jumped into the sea and crashed into the crashing waves. (my gosh.. What amazing prose...)
Why would he do that?
He had given his heart, leaden full with treasure, to the girl of his dreams. She however, "tore it apart, and broke his angelic heart"…
(Actually, she took it, went to east coast beach and tossed it into the waves. That’s why he wants to jump in to look for it again. =) )
btw, this boy is not me. I’m a romantic. I just like to imagine such tragic tales of love. Hehe..
I’m certain that many many weeks before, there was a certain girl, full of love in her heart, had her heart broken by me. I had tossed her heart into the sea, because I was chasing my own dreams. What goes around, comes around perhaps. Maybe that’s why my heart is destined to be broken forever as well. Maybe I’m destined to be alone, like what’s happening now.
I don’t know the future. Maybe, maybe not.
For me, I’ve not given up on hope.
I’m just sitting here, enjoying this time of solitude and freedom to be amongst love, the stars and the sea.
Anyway i didn’t stay long.
Hate being alone and I felt cold. (Didn’t bring my jacket and no one to keep me warm either)
And the love all around me was making my hair stand.
Hmmm…contradiction. If my hair was standing, air would be trapped, heated and I shouldn’t be feeling cold… so why was I feeling cold? Hmmmm….
Before I went back to the car, there was one couple that didn’t behave intimately. Hmmm. A rare find. They looked more like friends…
Tot everyone here were lovers. Or else why did they come here in the first place?
‘Soon’ I told myself. Soon, I had wanted to tell them. ;)
Saw this really cute cat and kitten too. Former was grey, latter orange. Hmm not related i suppose. Forgot about what i learnt about epigenetics.
They were soooooooo adorable.
I tried to reach out to pet them. But they ran away from me.
Scaddy cats.
Hmph.
Part 2: My cycling trip/s (monday)
As I cycled towards my destination, supposedly for the last time today, I realized why I kept my head down all this while. I was focused. I was determined to get there. I was gunning at my fastest pace to reach and deliver my msgs.
During each trip back home, I would pass by a whole world of people. You know, the strollers, the joggers, the cyclers, the zo boers etc etc.and I would just go on my way, with my mind bogged with my own issues and business.
But during this trip home, I took off my cap. As I cycled past the people, I took a good look at their faces. As I looked at each face, I pondered about their lives. Each was an individual who was there for their own particular reason, if not for a purpose. The aunty taking her daily evening stroll, the running macho gurkhas who there maintaining their fitness, the children who met up to have some fun with each other, the couples who exercised together after work, friends meeting up to exercise.. As I thought about each face and the unique lives they led, the many reasons for them to be there that day, I started to smile. I’ve been so focused on myself and my intent and my plans, and had passed each person by often as just a nameless face. Each face had their unique personalities, their character, their own individual life, purposes and destinies.
I began to imagine to be the person behind each face, and tried to imagine their feelings, the thoughts and emotions that were running through their minds as they watched me cycle past them with my dubiously looking smile on my face.
Some smiled back, some looked puzzled, and some looked away. There were a plethora of reactions.
As more and more faces passed by, the brighter, lighter and happier I felt., the brighter and wider was my smile. I had already done my best. I had given my best. It was more than I could give. There was nothing else I could do but to release the emotional baggage and pent up emotions I had. I guess…. But the only thing that I can ever hang on to, the only thing that I truly deserve and earned with all my efforts was…. hope.
I deserve hope. It was, and still is the one thing that keeps me going.
I thought I might bump into that grey haired guy I saw the other day. Remember the one that made me happy? I didn’t see him.
I didn’t need to.
I was happy.
I had hope. =)
As I turned into my lane and about to reach my home, I met a neighbor who beckoned me towards her. She and her husband were just talking about me that morning. (dun ask me why neighbors talk about me… I find that scary too!)
She told me what her husband said of me that morning.
I shaln’t reveal it here. But those words (though I forgot the exact phrasing liao) will definitely stick to my head for years to come.
Dammit... It sure made me cry like hell after hearing that.
I'll see if what he said will come true.
1 thing’s for certain. This will not be the last time I will cycle on this route!
Hope!
During each trip back home, I would pass by a whole world of people. You know, the strollers, the joggers, the cyclers, the zo boers etc etc.and I would just go on my way, with my mind bogged with my own issues and business.
But during this trip home, I took off my cap. As I cycled past the people, I took a good look at their faces. As I looked at each face, I pondered about their lives. Each was an individual who was there for their own particular reason, if not for a purpose. The aunty taking her daily evening stroll, the running macho gurkhas who there maintaining their fitness, the children who met up to have some fun with each other, the couples who exercised together after work, friends meeting up to exercise.. As I thought about each face and the unique lives they led, the many reasons for them to be there that day, I started to smile. I’ve been so focused on myself and my intent and my plans, and had passed each person by often as just a nameless face. Each face had their unique personalities, their character, their own individual life, purposes and destinies.
I began to imagine to be the person behind each face, and tried to imagine their feelings, the thoughts and emotions that were running through their minds as they watched me cycle past them with my dubiously looking smile on my face.
Some smiled back, some looked puzzled, and some looked away. There were a plethora of reactions.
As more and more faces passed by, the brighter, lighter and happier I felt., the brighter and wider was my smile. I had already done my best. I had given my best. It was more than I could give. There was nothing else I could do but to release the emotional baggage and pent up emotions I had. I guess…. But the only thing that I can ever hang on to, the only thing that I truly deserve and earned with all my efforts was…. hope.
I deserve hope. It was, and still is the one thing that keeps me going.
I thought I might bump into that grey haired guy I saw the other day. Remember the one that made me happy? I didn’t see him.
I didn’t need to.
I was happy.
I had hope. =)
As I turned into my lane and about to reach my home, I met a neighbor who beckoned me towards her. She and her husband were just talking about me that morning. (dun ask me why neighbors talk about me… I find that scary too!)
She told me what her husband said of me that morning.
I shaln’t reveal it here. But those words (though I forgot the exact phrasing liao) will definitely stick to my head for years to come.
Dammit... It sure made me cry like hell after hearing that.
I'll see if what he said will come true.
1 thing’s for certain. This will not be the last time I will cycle on this route!
Hope!
Part 1: Thank you my friends!
My dear friends. Thank you for standing by me during the loneliest, deepest and darkest moments on my life these past few weeks.
Being unprepared, and being misunderstood are the 2 worst feelings in the whole wide world!
I told you guys I’ll be okay after 2 weeks.
2 weeks have passed and I’m not only okay.
I'm feeling great! ...Really!
My faith told me to endure 2 weeks.
And I have.
She was the reason for these 2 weeks.
She has helped me to keep my faith.
Without her, I wouldn’t have changed.
I wouldn't have found myself again! I wouldn’t have found my way.
I wouldn't be the person that I've always kept hidden inside me for so long.
I had kept my mind focused on the one thing that has been my drive all this while.
I'm glad I followed my heart my intuition.
I’ve found a reason to start over new.
My hope and dreams.
That source and cause of motivation and inspiration.
She is something that I cannot live with.
I still have hope! It’s riding high!
What happens if it crashes? We’ll see how this Fri.
Right now, I'm holding on. ;)
Why fri? I dunno myself. Couldn't decide between this fri or next fri.
But few nights back i woke up in the middle of the night, with the number 17 and 4 burned into my mind. I wrote it down and went back to sleep. Checked the calendar in the morning and fri is the 17th.
Well... Just following my dreams and seeing were it may lead.
I'm living my dreams. Its not as hard as it may seem!
You may not know what I'm talking about. Its alright.
I just hope I'm not delusional. But everything just seems perfect.
eh.. If you still see me looking stony and all, don't worry!
I'm a brooder. I like to spend quiet moments looking out into windows,sea, staring out to space… etc etc. My friends dun call me BBB for nothing!
PS: Thanks to my 2 closest friends in the whole wide word. Most people have the devil and an angel on their shoulders, giving insights on whether to follow good or bad.
Actually, the devil and angel is not about the battle between good and evil.
Its the battle of self.
Whether you leaned towards or are consistent towards evil, or towards good.
You guys are rationality and emotionality.
You’ve driven me to think about rationality and emotionality.
You’ve helped me to be logical, and consistent rationally and emotionally.
Being unprepared, and being misunderstood are the 2 worst feelings in the whole wide world!
I told you guys I’ll be okay after 2 weeks.
2 weeks have passed and I’m not only okay.
I'm feeling great! ...Really!
My faith told me to endure 2 weeks.
And I have.
She was the reason for these 2 weeks.
She has helped me to keep my faith.
Without her, I wouldn’t have changed.
I wouldn't have found myself again! I wouldn’t have found my way.
I wouldn't be the person that I've always kept hidden inside me for so long.
I had kept my mind focused on the one thing that has been my drive all this while.
I'm glad I followed my heart my intuition.
I’ve found a reason to start over new.
My hope and dreams.
That source and cause of motivation and inspiration.
She is something that I cannot live with.
I still have hope! It’s riding high!
What happens if it crashes? We’ll see how this Fri.
Right now, I'm holding on. ;)
Why fri? I dunno myself. Couldn't decide between this fri or next fri.
But few nights back i woke up in the middle of the night, with the number 17 and 4 burned into my mind. I wrote it down and went back to sleep. Checked the calendar in the morning and fri is the 17th.
Well... Just following my dreams and seeing were it may lead.
I'm living my dreams. Its not as hard as it may seem!
You may not know what I'm talking about. Its alright.
I just hope I'm not delusional. But everything just seems perfect.
eh.. If you still see me looking stony and all, don't worry!
I'm a brooder. I like to spend quiet moments looking out into windows,sea, staring out to space… etc etc. My friends dun call me BBB for nothing!
PS: Thanks to my 2 closest friends in the whole wide word. Most people have the devil and an angel on their shoulders, giving insights on whether to follow good or bad.
Actually, the devil and angel is not about the battle between good and evil.
Its the battle of self.
Whether you leaned towards or are consistent towards evil, or towards good.
You guys are rationality and emotionality.
You’ve driven me to think about rationality and emotionality.
You’ve helped me to be logical, and consistent rationally and emotionally.
Monday, December 13, 2004
Song 19: Hold On
Hold On – Wilson Philips
I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Chorus:
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin’ your worries pass you by
Don’t you think it’s worth your time
To change your mind?
(chorus)
I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won’t you tell me now
Hold on for one more day ’cause
It’s gonna go your way
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can’t you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on....
I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Chorus:
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day
You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin’ your worries pass you by
Don’t you think it’s worth your time
To change your mind?
(chorus)
I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won’t you tell me now
Hold on for one more day ’cause
It’s gonna go your way
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can’t you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on....
Song 1: All or Nothing
All or Nothing – Athena Cage
Heres the chance of life
Get ready, set, fly
High
Above the fear of your mind
Go for it
its hit or miss
Too late for you to quit
You gotta show them
how bad you really want this
Chorus
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem
You gotta work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything
You are what you believe
You've got to bring the heat
Set the pace
Competition: take the lead
This is it all eyes on you
So stay on point and prove
That you deserve what's long overdue
Chorus
My heart is still recovering
From Heartbreak of another kind
I'm still drying my tears
Getting over my own fears
In my lifeI wanna make sure this time
That I'm strong enough
To give it my all
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem
You got to work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything /Live your dreams
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem(no, no)
You gotta work to get the c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything (I say it's all or nothing)
Live your dreams(You gotta live your dreams)
It's not as hard as it may seem
You gotta work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything
You know you've got to live your dreams
So don't you be afraid
Sacrifice
take the lead
It's your time to shine
Please believe
Heres the chance of life
Get ready, set, fly
High
Above the fear of your mind
Go for it
its hit or miss
Too late for you to quit
You gotta show them
how bad you really want this
Chorus
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem
You gotta work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything
You are what you believe
You've got to bring the heat
Set the pace
Competition: take the lead
This is it all eyes on you
So stay on point and prove
That you deserve what's long overdue
Chorus
My heart is still recovering
From Heartbreak of another kind
I'm still drying my tears
Getting over my own fears
In my lifeI wanna make sure this time
That I'm strong enough
To give it my all
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem
You got to work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything /Live your dreams
Live your dreams
It's not as hard as it may seem(no, no)
You gotta work to get the c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything (I say it's all or nothing)
Live your dreams(You gotta live your dreams)
It's not as hard as it may seem
You gotta work to get the
c.r.e.a.m
On your hopes you must lean
From your fears
You have to win yourself
It's all or nothing
Give your everything
You know you've got to live your dreams
So don't you be afraid
Sacrifice
take the lead
It's your time to shine
Please believe
I really am Popeye the Sailor man!
Popoculus nautus sum
Popoculus nautus sum
Pugnabo ad finem
Quod edero spinem
Popoculus nautus sum
I'm not a complicated person.
I'm not a difficult person.
I'm very very simple.
Just believe me and trust me.
I've not finished reading the last chapter of Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho.
Been saving it till end of this week.
Go figure...
btw.. I love God, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my car, I love the person reading this
And I love myself!
:)
Popoculus nautus sum
Pugnabo ad finem
Quod edero spinem
Popoculus nautus sum
I'm not a complicated person.
I'm not a difficult person.
I'm very very simple.
Just believe me and trust me.
I've not finished reading the last chapter of Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho.
Been saving it till end of this week.
Go figure...
btw.. I love God, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my car, I love the person reading this
And I love myself!
:)
Day 14: Last Day! On Love...
2 weeks ago, I started to blog on Love.
The Who, what, when, where, why and hows of love.
Theres so much on love. it is manifested in tv, literature, art, research studies, etc etc.
There so much literature about it. Its in all cultures, across time, etc etc
Its everywhere, in ever corner of the globe, nooks and cranny.
Its described by everyone, by philosophers, by scientists, by religious leaders, by the laymen
Its been in all of history every since time began.
But what exactly is love?
You can define it, but you can't understand it.
You can have it, but you can't own it
You can search for it, but you can't hold on to it.
You can feel it, but you can't describe it.
You can forget about it, but you can't deny it.
You can love to plan, but you cannot plan to love
Sometimes it misses you completely, at others it hits you full in the face
Sometimes it brings about understanding, at others causes misunderstandings
Sometimes it surprises you, at others it bores you.
Sometimes you feel good, at others you feel bad.
Sometimes it makes a person, at others it breaks a person
Sometimes brings out the best in us, at others it brings out the beast in us.
Sometimes it is in small little doses, at others it comes in a big fanfair.
Sometimes you are despaired by it, at others it brings you hope
Sometimes it is reciprocated, at others it is unrequited.
Sometimes it is based on rationality, at others based on emotionality
Sometimes you have to hold on to love, at others to give it away.
Some only give love., while others only take love.
Some accept love ,while others reject love.
Some manage to find their one true love, while others lose their one true love.
Some love for a motive, while others love unconditionally
Some will die for love, while others will kill for love
Some will be come miserable because of love, while others experience extreme euphoria.
Some give up on love, while others stay on love
You can treasure those who love, or you can hate someone for loving you.
You can love those who hates us, or you can love to hate them
Love is not spiteful, but sometimes we spite because of love.
Love requires us to be steady, strong and stable, faithful and honest.
Love requires us to be consistent: loving our family, loving our friends, Loving our partners, loving our neighbours as we love ourselves.
Love often brings with it emotional baggages like pain and suffering, but pain has more to do with fear than love.
Love is often mistaken to cause pain.
But love is incredible. Pain stems from doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy.
Only love can lift up pain.
Love requires patience.
Love requires Kindness.
Love is always ready to make allowances
Love is always ready to trust
Love is always ready to hope
Love is always ready to endure whatever comes.
Love is never jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not conceited
Love is never rude
Love is not selfish
Love is not easily Provoked
Love does not store up grievances
Love does not rejoice at wrong doing bu finds its joy in the truth
Only love makes us acceptable to God.
Where does love come from?
God? Your hormones? Your brain? Your mind? Your heart?
Is love emotional, is love rational?
One things for sure.
You can never exempt yourself of love.
You cannot shut yourself from love.
You must love yourself, before you can love others.
Hold on to love, don't hold back on love.
Often others misunderstand our love.
Remain steadfast to it, Stay true to it.
Don't plan to love, Put love into action on the little things we do everyday
Dun run away from it, Dun ignore it.
Trust in the sincerity of love, don't doubt nor grow suspicious of it.
Don't be confused and distracted by love, Love is very simple and sweet
When love makes you, be sure to build up others
When love breaks you, be sure to take time to heal yourself.
Perfect Love can be made real if you only try.
Keep giving love, but don't give up on it
There is always a future in true love, and love is never a dead end.
Dun deny yourself of it.
Embrace it, lovingly...
The Who, what, when, where, why and hows of love.
Theres so much on love. it is manifested in tv, literature, art, research studies, etc etc.
There so much literature about it. Its in all cultures, across time, etc etc
Its everywhere, in ever corner of the globe, nooks and cranny.
Its described by everyone, by philosophers, by scientists, by religious leaders, by the laymen
Its been in all of history every since time began.
But what exactly is love?
You can define it, but you can't understand it.
You can have it, but you can't own it
You can search for it, but you can't hold on to it.
You can feel it, but you can't describe it.
You can forget about it, but you can't deny it.
You can love to plan, but you cannot plan to love
Sometimes it misses you completely, at others it hits you full in the face
Sometimes it brings about understanding, at others causes misunderstandings
Sometimes it surprises you, at others it bores you.
Sometimes you feel good, at others you feel bad.
Sometimes it makes a person, at others it breaks a person
Sometimes brings out the best in us, at others it brings out the beast in us.
Sometimes it is in small little doses, at others it comes in a big fanfair.
Sometimes you are despaired by it, at others it brings you hope
Sometimes it is reciprocated, at others it is unrequited.
Sometimes it is based on rationality, at others based on emotionality
Sometimes you have to hold on to love, at others to give it away.
Some only give love., while others only take love.
Some accept love ,while others reject love.
Some manage to find their one true love, while others lose their one true love.
Some love for a motive, while others love unconditionally
Some will die for love, while others will kill for love
Some will be come miserable because of love, while others experience extreme euphoria.
Some give up on love, while others stay on love
You can treasure those who love, or you can hate someone for loving you.
You can love those who hates us, or you can love to hate them
Love is not spiteful, but sometimes we spite because of love.
Love requires us to be steady, strong and stable, faithful and honest.
Love requires us to be consistent: loving our family, loving our friends, Loving our partners, loving our neighbours as we love ourselves.
Love often brings with it emotional baggages like pain and suffering, but pain has more to do with fear than love.
Love is often mistaken to cause pain.
But love is incredible. Pain stems from doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy.
Only love can lift up pain.
Love requires patience.
Love requires Kindness.
Love is always ready to make allowances
Love is always ready to trust
Love is always ready to hope
Love is always ready to endure whatever comes.
Love is never jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not conceited
Love is never rude
Love is not selfish
Love is not easily Provoked
Love does not store up grievances
Love does not rejoice at wrong doing bu finds its joy in the truth
Only love makes us acceptable to God.
Where does love come from?
God? Your hormones? Your brain? Your mind? Your heart?
Is love emotional, is love rational?
One things for sure.
You can never exempt yourself of love.
You cannot shut yourself from love.
You must love yourself, before you can love others.
Hold on to love, don't hold back on love.
Often others misunderstand our love.
Remain steadfast to it, Stay true to it.
Don't plan to love, Put love into action on the little things we do everyday
Dun run away from it, Dun ignore it.
Trust in the sincerity of love, don't doubt nor grow suspicious of it.
Don't be confused and distracted by love, Love is very simple and sweet
When love makes you, be sure to build up others
When love breaks you, be sure to take time to heal yourself.
Perfect Love can be made real if you only try.
Keep giving love, but don't give up on it
There is always a future in true love, and love is never a dead end.
Dun deny yourself of it.
Embrace it, lovingly...
.
.
I was broken because of love, but I took 2 weeks to heal myself in order to love again.
Becasue of Love,
"I ain't the same anymore...
I'm free to be who I really am. No pretenses, no broken-promises, no fear... Just a life packed with joy, hope and unfailing Love.
'Cause I'm just livin'....
Like I should."
.
.
So what the %#&^$ is love?
It depends.
What is love to you?
You have to make a choice. You have to decide what it means to you.
To me it's a simple answer. Love is just love.
So don't question love. just accept love
Love 'Love'.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Day 13: The Teacher of Wisdom
What must we do to receive the Love of God?
The Teacher of Wisdom by Oscar Wilde
http://www.literaturepage.com/read/wilde-essays-lectures-128.html
The Teacher of Wisdom by Oscar Wilde
http://www.literaturepage.com/read/wilde-essays-lectures-128.html
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Clarity + cleaning lady
Last night just before I slept, my mind was in a terrible mess.
So much thought all jumbled inside of me.
But it managed to make me sleep early.
And Somehow I woke up at 4 am in the morning with a start. Dammit. I had answers, revelations in my head. I struggled for a pen to write it down.
It has been like this for the past 2 weeks.
Whenever I was so bogged down with thoughts and issues in my head,
i would sleep.
I would go jogging.
I would go cycling.
I would read.
I would watch TV.
I would do everything to get my mind off itself. I wanted to stop myself from getting screwed in the head.
But each time, somehow at the end of the activity. Damn it. Everything would be so clear, certain and sorted out.
I had all the answers in my head. How did this happen?
I'm sure my philosophy buddy would be able to tell me more about this.
haha.
Unconscious mind at work?
Or is it?
I have no idea!
Today was a horrible day for me. Went for my first PPCL theory lesson.
So boring! Hate to go through all the basics again. Almost died.
But I love the instructor!
Was a retired naval officer. The typical boatman.
All the boatmen are alike.
Talk so slowly and like to tell grandfather story.
But i love grandfather stories. ;)
When i came home, the cleaning lady was home.
She is a middle aged housewife that comes every fortnight to help my mom to clean the house.
Very hardworking. Would spend hours scrubbing the floor.
She loved to work at my home coz my mom would be very nice to her.
And she would repay my mom's kindness by working extra hard.
Anyway, She said 'hi' to me and i replied 'hi' (all this in chinese of coz. And yes! I can speak chinese!)
I just asked her whether she ate her dinner and went to my computer.
Then she suddenly said 'thank you' to me.
Huh? WHy thank me?
She didn't answer but asked me if i despised her instead?
I was so puzzled. Why would i despise her? I said a resounding no!
she said thank you once again.
This time I was really curious. I rolled out my chair, looked at her and asked "wei she mo ne?"
She told me the reason why.
I gasped.
She said that whenever she goes to other houses to clean,no one would talk to her.
She was thankful because I talked to her.
Sometimes the simple things that you do make a huge impact on others and it makes a difference.
Yet sometimes the huge things that you do make no impact at all.
Go figure.
:)
Anyway just to quell any misconceptions about my car, I do appreciate it. I appreciate it because of what it represents. I appreciate it because of the good it can do. I appreciate it because we should learn to treasure and appreciate everything that we have, no matter the circumstance.
So much thought all jumbled inside of me.
But it managed to make me sleep early.
And Somehow I woke up at 4 am in the morning with a start. Dammit. I had answers, revelations in my head. I struggled for a pen to write it down.
It has been like this for the past 2 weeks.
Whenever I was so bogged down with thoughts and issues in my head,
i would sleep.
I would go jogging.
I would go cycling.
I would read.
I would watch TV.
I would do everything to get my mind off itself. I wanted to stop myself from getting screwed in the head.
But each time, somehow at the end of the activity. Damn it. Everything would be so clear, certain and sorted out.
I had all the answers in my head. How did this happen?
I'm sure my philosophy buddy would be able to tell me more about this.
haha.
Unconscious mind at work?
Or is it?
I have no idea!
Today was a horrible day for me. Went for my first PPCL theory lesson.
So boring! Hate to go through all the basics again. Almost died.
But I love the instructor!
Was a retired naval officer. The typical boatman.
All the boatmen are alike.
Talk so slowly and like to tell grandfather story.
But i love grandfather stories. ;)
When i came home, the cleaning lady was home.
She is a middle aged housewife that comes every fortnight to help my mom to clean the house.
Very hardworking. Would spend hours scrubbing the floor.
She loved to work at my home coz my mom would be very nice to her.
And she would repay my mom's kindness by working extra hard.
Anyway, She said 'hi' to me and i replied 'hi' (all this in chinese of coz. And yes! I can speak chinese!)
I just asked her whether she ate her dinner and went to my computer.
Then she suddenly said 'thank you' to me.
Huh? WHy thank me?
She didn't answer but asked me if i despised her instead?
I was so puzzled. Why would i despise her? I said a resounding no!
she said thank you once again.
This time I was really curious. I rolled out my chair, looked at her and asked "wei she mo ne?"
She told me the reason why.
I gasped.
She said that whenever she goes to other houses to clean,no one would talk to her.
She was thankful because I talked to her.
Sometimes the simple things that you do make a huge impact on others and it makes a difference.
Yet sometimes the huge things that you do make no impact at all.
Go figure.
:)
Anyway just to quell any misconceptions about my car, I do appreciate it. I appreciate it because of what it represents. I appreciate it because of the good it can do. I appreciate it because we should learn to treasure and appreciate everything that we have, no matter the circumstance.
Friday, December 10, 2004
The Planner
This morning I had decided to wash my car. I had wanted to wash it throughly, polish it, apply rain X, clean the interior, shine the tires and rims. It was the perfect day to do so. I was happy that finally, I can get to clean my car after planning to do so for so long.I was happy, that I had great music to keep me company while I was doing so.
Just as I finished washing the car and preparing the next step of polishing, my neighbour appeared and called out to me. Shes a really sweet old lady. Often we would meet on the road and take a stroll together, where she would share wonderful stories about God in her life. Each time I listened to her, my eyes would be swelled up with tears. I would be inspired and encouraged.
Anyway, she came up to me and asked if i was going anywhere near NUH this morning. Of course not, i thought to myself. I had already made plans to do up my car today.. But before i could think of an answer, she beckened me to her and whispered in my ear her problem (of which i promised her not to reveal to anyone). Upon hearing her needs, I was in deliberation.Should I just tell her my plans? Or should I just lie to her that I was going her way.
I didn't know what went on in my head. But I replied. "Yes. I'm going to NUS. What time do you want to go?"
In the car on the way to NUH, she talked like she always did. She told me about what had happened, how God had been providing her with miracles in her life. I drove and I listened. In my head, I questioned some, I accepted some. But as I listened.For that moment, I was her. I forgot about my problems, I forgot about my fears. I felt her sorrow, I felt her joy. I felt her faith.
Just before we reached her destination, she told me how much she thanked God for me. She didn't need the lift. She could have taken the bus or a taxi. She thanked god that there was someone there to listen to her rather than having to be alone during that time.She asked me if I had a cold or something. But i didn't dare tell her that i was weeping..
It made a difference that I had a car.Without it, I would have missed the opportunity completely.
It was good to be back in a familiar place. Friendly faces and smiles seemed to improve my mood a little.
I met many faces.
To the aquaintance, I chatted abit.
TO the stranger, I smiled alot.
To the familar, i avoided some.
As i sat in the canteen, I planned to blog this down as well, hoping to relieve the burden of keeping things to myself. A friend whom I seldom talked to came along.And we began to chat, to share. I hope it helped you dear friend. Because at that moment, it was a joy to listen to your life. It was a joy to know that you found your direction in your life.
As we ended our conversation, i walked away feeling so empty.I don't know why. Was it sadness? was it joy? Or was it peace? Somehow I couldn't tell the difference.
I'm a planner and dreamer. In my youth, every eca that i was in, i was in the position to plan. I planned many activities.I planned many outings. I planned a great many things. I can't help it.
"When I go to bed, I can’t sleep for ideas dancing in my head. When I shave, I cut myself; when I drive, I take my life in my hands. And always because ideas, situations, dialogues are spinning and twisting in my mind. I don't know where I get my ideas. I wish I knew the trick of not getting ideas, so that I can have a little peace."Am i a planner or a dreamer?I'm both. And it is peace that I crave. But what is peace?
I've been planning so much lately. The unavoidable chain of events had happened. I had everything in control. I was sure of the outcome. Or was I?I wanted a certain outcome to happen. I changed and refined my plans again and again to suit my goals and aims. But to no avail. It is coming clearer now that no matter how I tried to prevent the inevitable, the inevitable has happened.
Was it God's plan or my plan?Faith can be placed on God, or it could just be just delusion on my part.
Can you ever plan to see a rainbow?
You cannot plan to love and love cannot be planned.
You should just love.
Moral of the story: Don't plan so much. Don't worry whose plan is it. Don't worry if its in God or its just your own delusions.Don't crave for peace, don't crave for comfort. Just follow your heart your intuition.
;)
Just as I finished washing the car and preparing the next step of polishing, my neighbour appeared and called out to me. Shes a really sweet old lady. Often we would meet on the road and take a stroll together, where she would share wonderful stories about God in her life. Each time I listened to her, my eyes would be swelled up with tears. I would be inspired and encouraged.
Anyway, she came up to me and asked if i was going anywhere near NUH this morning. Of course not, i thought to myself. I had already made plans to do up my car today.. But before i could think of an answer, she beckened me to her and whispered in my ear her problem (of which i promised her not to reveal to anyone). Upon hearing her needs, I was in deliberation.Should I just tell her my plans? Or should I just lie to her that I was going her way.
I didn't know what went on in my head. But I replied. "Yes. I'm going to NUS. What time do you want to go?"
In the car on the way to NUH, she talked like she always did. She told me about what had happened, how God had been providing her with miracles in her life. I drove and I listened. In my head, I questioned some, I accepted some. But as I listened.For that moment, I was her. I forgot about my problems, I forgot about my fears. I felt her sorrow, I felt her joy. I felt her faith.
Just before we reached her destination, she told me how much she thanked God for me. She didn't need the lift. She could have taken the bus or a taxi. She thanked god that there was someone there to listen to her rather than having to be alone during that time.She asked me if I had a cold or something. But i didn't dare tell her that i was weeping..
It made a difference that I had a car.Without it, I would have missed the opportunity completely.
It was good to be back in a familiar place. Friendly faces and smiles seemed to improve my mood a little.
I met many faces.
To the aquaintance, I chatted abit.
TO the stranger, I smiled alot.
To the familar, i avoided some.
As i sat in the canteen, I planned to blog this down as well, hoping to relieve the burden of keeping things to myself. A friend whom I seldom talked to came along.And we began to chat, to share. I hope it helped you dear friend. Because at that moment, it was a joy to listen to your life. It was a joy to know that you found your direction in your life.
As we ended our conversation, i walked away feeling so empty.I don't know why. Was it sadness? was it joy? Or was it peace? Somehow I couldn't tell the difference.
I'm a planner and dreamer. In my youth, every eca that i was in, i was in the position to plan. I planned many activities.I planned many outings. I planned a great many things. I can't help it.
"When I go to bed, I can’t sleep for ideas dancing in my head. When I shave, I cut myself; when I drive, I take my life in my hands. And always because ideas, situations, dialogues are spinning and twisting in my mind. I don't know where I get my ideas. I wish I knew the trick of not getting ideas, so that I can have a little peace."Am i a planner or a dreamer?I'm both. And it is peace that I crave. But what is peace?
I've been planning so much lately. The unavoidable chain of events had happened. I had everything in control. I was sure of the outcome. Or was I?I wanted a certain outcome to happen. I changed and refined my plans again and again to suit my goals and aims. But to no avail. It is coming clearer now that no matter how I tried to prevent the inevitable, the inevitable has happened.
Was it God's plan or my plan?Faith can be placed on God, or it could just be just delusion on my part.
Can you ever plan to see a rainbow?
You cannot plan to love and love cannot be planned.
You should just love.
Moral of the story: Don't plan so much. Don't worry whose plan is it. Don't worry if its in God or its just your own delusions.Don't crave for peace, don't crave for comfort. Just follow your heart your intuition.
;)
Day12: A Christian Defintion of Love by St Paul
Love is always patient and kind;
love is never jealous;
love is not boastful or conceited,
it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage,
it does not take offence or store up grievances.
Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth.
It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.”
(1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 NJB)
love is never jealous;
love is not boastful or conceited,
it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage,
it does not take offence or store up grievances.
Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth.
It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.”
(1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 NJB)
Day 11: What is Love: a scholastic definition
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love
English Definition of Love
1) intense feeling of affection,
2) an emotion or emotional state.
3) A mamallian drive, just like hunger or thirst and is influenced by hormones and pheromones.
Characteristics of Love
1) Love is one of the most common themes in art, modern movies and pop music.
2) There are many forms of love, but they have some common factors and issues.
3) Each language and culture has different words to descrive love. See Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
Models/Views/ Forms of Love
1) Descriptive View
a)Inter-personal Love
What is Interpersonal Love?
- love between two human beings, (between family members, friends, couples)
- Can be seen through charity and volunteerism
- deeper than merely liking someone a lot.
- Can be reciprocal or unrequited
Some elements in interpersonal Love
-Affection: appreciation of other
-Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
-Reciprocation: if love is mutual
-Commitment: a desire to maintain love
-Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
-Kinship: family bonds
-Passion: sexual desire
-Physical intimacy: sharing of personal space
-Self-interest: desiring rewards
-Service: desire to help
b)Impersonal Love
What is Impersonal Love?
- A value system or deep commitment to a country, principle, or goal
- can also be conferred upon material objects, animals or activities.
c)Religious Love
What is Religious Love?
- As an expression of devotion of the follower to their deity, a living guru or religious teacher.
- The love of God is often selflessly placed above personal needs, prayer, service, good deeds, and personal sacrifice
- Followers may also believe that the deity loves the followers and all of creation.
2) Scientific/Psychological Models
a)Liking Vs Loving Rubin (1973) :attitudes that a person holds toward another person; consisting of varying packages of feelings, thoughts, and behavioral predispositions within an individual.
b) Companionate vs passionate love: A biological view of 2 major drives consisting of principles that lead an infant to become attached to their mother.
c) Lee's color wheel model of lovestyles (1973): Primary love: Eros (love of an ideal person), Ludus (love as a game), Storge (love as friendship). Combinations of these primary styles create the secondary styles
d) Sternberg's (1986) triangular theory of love: three major components of love: intimacy, passion and decision or commitment
3) Cultural Views
a) Chinese
b) japanese
c) Ancient Greek
4) Religious Views
a) Christian
b) Buddhist
c) Hindu
d) Islamic
e) Jewish
5) Mythological Views
a) Roman: Cupid/Amor, Venus
b) Greek: Aphrodite, Eros
c) Hindu: Rati, Kama
d) Aztec: Xochipili
e) Norse: Freya
6) Philias
What are Philias?
- love or obsession with a particular thing or subject.
- greek word for love, either brotherly love, including friendship and affection.
English Definition of Love
1) intense feeling of affection,
2) an emotion or emotional state.
3) A mamallian drive, just like hunger or thirst and is influenced by hormones and pheromones.
Characteristics of Love
1) Love is one of the most common themes in art, modern movies and pop music.
2) There are many forms of love, but they have some common factors and issues.
3) Each language and culture has different words to descrive love. See Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
Models/Views/ Forms of Love
1) Descriptive View
a)Inter-personal Love
What is Interpersonal Love?
- love between two human beings, (between family members, friends, couples)
- Can be seen through charity and volunteerism
- deeper than merely liking someone a lot.
- Can be reciprocal or unrequited
Some elements in interpersonal Love
-Affection: appreciation of other
-Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
-Reciprocation: if love is mutual
-Commitment: a desire to maintain love
-Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
-Kinship: family bonds
-Passion: sexual desire
-Physical intimacy: sharing of personal space
-Self-interest: desiring rewards
-Service: desire to help
b)Impersonal Love
What is Impersonal Love?
- A value system or deep commitment to a country, principle, or goal
- can also be conferred upon material objects, animals or activities.
c)Religious Love
What is Religious Love?
- As an expression of devotion of the follower to their deity, a living guru or religious teacher.
- The love of God is often selflessly placed above personal needs, prayer, service, good deeds, and personal sacrifice
- Followers may also believe that the deity loves the followers and all of creation.
2) Scientific/Psychological Models
a)Liking Vs Loving Rubin (1973) :attitudes that a person holds toward another person; consisting of varying packages of feelings, thoughts, and behavioral predispositions within an individual.
b) Companionate vs passionate love: A biological view of 2 major drives consisting of principles that lead an infant to become attached to their mother.
c) Lee's color wheel model of lovestyles (1973): Primary love: Eros (love of an ideal person), Ludus (love as a game), Storge (love as friendship). Combinations of these primary styles create the secondary styles
d) Sternberg's (1986) triangular theory of love: three major components of love: intimacy, passion and decision or commitment
3) Cultural Views
a) Chinese
b) japanese
c) Ancient Greek
4) Religious Views
a) Christian
b) Buddhist
c) Hindu
d) Islamic
e) Jewish
5) Mythological Views
a) Roman: Cupid/Amor, Venus
b) Greek: Aphrodite, Eros
c) Hindu: Rati, Kama
d) Aztec: Xochipili
e) Norse: Freya
6) Philias
What are Philias?
- love or obsession with a particular thing or subject.
- greek word for love, either brotherly love, including friendship and affection.
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