No hope = Despair

You know the feeling, when your chest tightens, and your lungs
just keeps screams for air though it feels like its bursting through your chest?

And that your heart sinks so low that it feels so terrible just trying to stay alive?

Your mind is begging, and pleading for the pain to stop,
but it gets sucked into the vortex of torture and grind till your whole body just
falls limp, as you drag your feet though the gravel and grovel your
way through your daily routines, thinking theres nothing left to live for.

And don't you just love it when at times, your eyes just fall away in endless tears and at others, when you want to cry, but you just so caught up with the torment that you just can't do it.

It gnaws at you.
Permeates into your body.
Eats into your soul.

Ebbs at you slowly and methodologically..
Till it makes it to your spine and your nervous system just get shot away to pieces.
Your hands tremble, your body quakes.You get all fidgety and tense at the same time.

Your mind and body tries to fight back once again, trying to take control of the
emotional body.

But each time when you try to rise, clawing your way through the muck,
hasping and struggling for air,

Something sinks you down to rock bottom and drags you back into the abyss once more.

Too morbid? An Exaggeration?
Damn it. If you were in that same state that i was in. You'll know its not even half the story.

I've finally understood how it feels like, as I saw someone years ago that was in this similar state. And where was I when he was in this state?I was there for the first day. But after that?
I'm so ashamed. I promise. If anyone is in this state. I'll definitely go to you and I'd know what to do.

You just can't sleep.
You just can't eat.
You can't even breathe.
Your mind just keeps going around in circles till you want to go crazy.
You jmope about the whole time. Begging and waiting for the pain to stop.
But it doesn't.
You can't even have a hard on even if shuqi strips infront of ya.

yah....

So what should you do then?
Just die??




NO!

In times of great upset, we always turn to the things that comfort us most.
And when the only thing that keeps us afloat is gone, we fall into despair.
Despair: To lose or give up hope.

To fall prey to emotion.
Its so easy to bury yourself with reasons that you deserve to be kept down and that there is no reason to get out of that rut.

Today in church, the sermon was on Joseph. U know Joseph and the technicolor coat? That Joseph.. Apparently there are 13 josephs in the bible. If you don't know which one, go read! hehe.

Genesis 50:20

Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today.

Joseph as you know, was despised by his brothers and sold away as a slave, was even framed and sent to prison. Instead of falling to despair. He made himself useful. He was a dreamer. And he wasn't afraid to dream. And he wasn't afraid to interpret and tell them to others although that got him to trouble in the first place. He didn't fall flat on his face.
He continued to believe in his dreams. His dreams made him great. He became the most powerful person in Egypt, after the pharaoh.

The name Joseph in Hebrew means God will increase.

When things happen and you fall into a state of despair, don't fret. Remember Joseph.
Even if your dreams get you into trouble, don't ever lose hope.
Don't ever stop dreaming.
Stay on the path. And remember God will increase.



I was in that state despair.
My dreams were shattered.
But I must remind myself to never stop dreaming. (hmmm.. I was just writing about this in my personal diary this morning... a sign! haha)

Dammit. Sometimes I hate myself. Can't I even despair in peace?

When we despair, more often than not, we ourselves are the ones that keep us in that state. We have friends who try to comfort us, we have more important things to do, but yet we keep complaining and lementing.. "Why me? God WHy me?" or you go " Its me... Its me..."

Despair is a temptation.
Yes. It is a temptation.
Because it is so easy to slip into a state of regret and blame..
Its so easy to blame yourself or others for losing that source of comfort or for getting yourself in this situation.
More often than not, its not of your doing. and Its also not because you didn't do the right thing.
Things just happen because of factors that was totally out of your control.

Sometimes the factors are external. In Josephs case, his brothers were jealous. Potiphar's wife was wanting.
There was nothing he could do.
and He held his ground and didn't give in to the circumstances.

Grit your teeth and bear with the outcome. Remain steadfast.
Sometimes it is done for good.
And the good may not be for you at the moment.

The good may be for the numerous/others for the moment.


Surviving from this state to live another day will leave you stronger, empowered and enriched.
And you can do good from your experiences.

Be patient to you and others.
Give yourself time.
Give others time.
Theres a time for sadness. And a time for happiness.

Be patient and remain steadfast.

As for you, God will increase eventually.


So how do we get out of despair?
What do you think?

i've said enough!
All I know is, the only way you get out of despair, is if you get inspired.
Only you can inspire yourself.

I'll keep on dreaming!

;)