Day 2: Problems in Love

Problems in love relationships
(from internet. I dun do such stuff. Remember my earlier disclaimers!)
http://www.selfcreation.com/love/love_problems.htm


"It would be easier to start over with someone else."

Some time has passed in the relationship and you've both built up lies.
Some big ones but mostly small ones.
They're not blatant lies, but mostly unspoken thoughts and feelings.
The intentions behind the lies were to protect yourself and your partner from pain.

But now, your problems seem overwhelming and you can't talk openly and honestly about them because you've already established a certain pattern of communication.
It seems it would be considerably easier to just start fresh with a new partner.
One where you could be yourself without fear.

Useful Questions:
-Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move? Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)
Get clear on what you've lied about to your partner.

-What would happen if you shared what you learned?
What is the worst that would happen?
Are you capable of handling that?
Why or why not?.

-Figure out what you're afraid would happen if you were honest with them about those issues.
Talk to your partner about your concerns of being TOTALLY honest.
Keep the focus on YOUR feelings and not their behavior.

-Muster up the courage to tell them what you've lied about.
Repeat to yourself, "No matter what happens, I will be okay."

Hope it helps! haha! I'm an agony aunt.

Steadfast.

MKfood:
although you cried again after this one month, and you feel disheartened, too restless to control your emotions and keep contacting your love, you're not useless. A person who loves another so much as you have is definitely not useless. You’re an inspiration to me. But theres a time to love and the time to let go of love. Know when to hang on and when to give up.

HLMilk:
Despite your insecurities, and being unsure of so many things;And he doesnt comfort you nor doesnt display emotion, yet you are steadfast and 90% sure that he is the one. You're amazing thats what you are.

Listening to you guys have helped me to sort out my own thoughts.
Thank you.
The next entry is dedicated to you guys.
Hang in there!

:)

Song: Stories

"I remember quite clearly now when this story happened
The autumn leaves were floating and measure down to the ground
Recovering the lake where we used to swim like children
On the sun would dare to shine
That time we used to be happy
But, I thought we were...

But the truth was that - you had been longing to leave me
Not daring to tell me
On that precious night watching the lake vaguely conscious
You said: our story was ending

Now I'm standing here
No one to wipe away my tears
No one to keep me warm and No one to make me fell
No one to make me hope
Oh! What am I to do?
I'm sstanding here alone
It doesn't seem so clear to me
What am i supposed to do, Or how should I react?
Oh Tell me please!

The rain was killing the last days of summer
You had been killing my last breath of love
Since a long time ago.
I still don't think I'm gonna make it through another love story
You took it all away from me
And there I stand, I knew I was gonna be the...
The one left behind.
But still I'm watching the lake vaguely conscious
And I know - My life is ending"

Song: So Much For My Happy Ending

Avril lavigne

"So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

chorus
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

chorus

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending "

Day 1. What is love?

Often we hear people talk about the

vows of love. "I will love you forever"

Magnitudes of love."I love you so much. I've love you more than I ever loved anyone or anything in this world."

Declarations of love. "I'll love you till I die. I'll Die for you."

Promises of Love. "My love, I will do (this), (do that), "

Dedication of Love. "I love you only. You are so special and there is no other."

Unconditional Love. "I do the things out of love. There is no reason why I do it. I don't expect anything from you."

To most people. Love is just a feeling.

"I love him. I dunno why. Its just a feeling.

Maybe its the way he/she talks, the things he/she does."

"We are in love. Because I feel love for her. And I feel loved by her."

My friends. We all know.These feelings fade with time and activity

So what then is love?

What kind of love do we seek?

Song: Should I Stay?

Should I Stay? By Dreamz FM --> Singapore Band!

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

Words can Heal and Words can Harm

Words can Heal and Words can Harm
Words are very important.
Words can heal and words can harm.
Words can hurt grievously and for a long time.
The tongue can bless and the tongue can curse.

It is very important for us to control our words and tame our tongue when we are angry.

Many times, when we are angry we say the most atrocious things.
We forget ourselves and become indifferent to what we say.
We blast the other person without mercy, although we may not mean those words.
But words once spoken cannot be taken back and it takes a long time to forgive and forget.
We have to exercise self-control. Many couples are particularly prone to such outbursts when they get mad. But it is not an easy thing to control our tongue when we are provoked, boiled over with anger or have outburst of wrath.

It is at such time that we have to learn to hold our tongue and to remain silent. If we can’t tame our tongue, we have to take a break or go for a walk to cool off. It is much easier to control the words before the blow-up than during the explosion.
Uncontrollable words spoken in anger can have devastating effect.
Angry words,that are used unthinkingly, such as
“I don’t care,”
”I can’t be bothered,”
“I don’t need you,” or
“you can go to hell” cause pain and feelings of rejection.
They give rise to insecurity.
The unmeant and foolish words contain full of deadly poison and can play havoc in the mind.
The unruly words get churned over for hours on end and create their worst mischief in a difficult relationship.
It can take a very long time to forgive what was said. Let us learn to turn away from angry words before they leave our mouth and try to say healing words instead.
Father Henri Nouwen said, “It is so important to choose our words wisely.
When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard.
Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses, often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 5)
We must also be very careful that in our anger we do not label our children with ugly names such as fat, stupid, snake, pig, moron, ‘kay-poh’(busy-body), useless, good for nothing. Such negative words can do harm to them for years to come!

Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to someone, ‘You are an ugly, useless, despicable person,’ we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 5)

Indeed, we do not want to spoil our relationship with our own precious children. We must always use words to build them up not words to knock them down. Be an encourager not a critic. They have enough people criticizing them but far too few approving and affirming them. So to help our children to fulfill their highest potential we should be their greatest ENCOURAGER.



Encourage. Encourage. Encourage on every occasion.
St Paul advises us not to speak harmful words but to use helpful words,

“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.”
(Ephesians 4:29 TEV)


Also, don’t utter vulgar or obscene words, “Nor is it fitting for you to use language which is obscene, profane, or vulgar.” (Ephesians 5:4 TEV) And no more immoral talks, jokes or gossips “Since you are God’s people, it is not right that any matters of sexual immorality or indecency or greed should even be mentioned among you...You may be sure that no one who is immoral, indecent, or greedy (for greed is a form of idolatry) will ever receive a share in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.”(Ephesians 5:3,5 TEV)
St Paul warns us not to quarrel so we are to “Remind our people of this, and give them a solemn warning in God’s presence not to fight with words. It does no good, but only ruins the people who listen...Keep away from profane and foolish discussions, which only drive people further away from God.

Such teaching is like an open sore that eats away the flesh.”(2 Timothy 2:14,16-17 TEV)

He reiterates that we should “keep away from foolish and ignorant arguments; you know that they end up in quarrels. As the Lord’s servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher, who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth. And then they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the Devil, who had caught them and made them obey his will.”(2 Timothy 2:22-26 TEV)
It is vitally important that we exercise our choice to speak helpful words wherever we are, particularly at home.

As Henri Nouwen said,

“Words can bring consolation, comfort, encouragement, and hope. Words can take away fear, isolation, shame, and guilt. Words can reconcile, unite, forgive, and heal. Words can bring peace and joy, inner freedom and deep gratitude. Words, in short, can carry love on their wings. A word of love can be one of the greatest acts of love.” (“Bread for the Journey,” June 22)

When we choose to speak words of care, words of encouragement, words of praise, words of love, words of admiration, positive words---they uplift and give meaning to our lives. Everyday we need to give and receive words of encouragement, hope and joy. We then create an environment that is pleasant to be in and that gives us the confidence and courage to cope with our stressful life here and now. Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to our parents, children, or friends, ‘I love you very much’ or ‘I care for you’ or ‘I think of you often’ or ‘You are my great gift,’ we choose to give life. "It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered.

When a son can say to his father, ‘Dad, I love you,’ and when a mother can say to her daughter, ‘Child, I love you,’ a whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 6)
Often, we want to hear words such as, “
’I’ve been thinking of you today,’ or ‘I missed you,’ or ‘I wish you were here,’ or ‘I really love you.’ It is not always easy to say these words, but such words can deepen our bonds with one another.
"Telling someone ‘I love you’ in whatever way is always delivering good news. Nobody will respond by saying, ‘Well, I know that already, you don’t have to say it again!’

Words of love and affirmation are like bread. We need them each day, over and over. They keep us alive inside.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Feb 12)

“When we say, ‘I love you,’ and say it from the heart, we can give another person new life, new hope, new courage. When we say, ‘I hate you,’ we can destroy another person. Let’s watch our words." (“Bread for the Journey,” Feb 11)
At the same time, we must be careful that we are sincere in our words because if we say, ‘I love you,’ without meaning it, then such words do more harm than good. But if these same words are spoken from the heart, they create new life. They give joy. They bring happiness. We have to make sure that our words are rooted from our heart.
To dwell in peace and joy, we have to learn from Jesus. As Henri Nouwen said, ”The words of Jesus can keep us erect and confident in the midst of the turmoil of the end-time. They can support us, encourage us, and give us life even when everything around us speaks of death. Jesus’ words are food for eternal life. They do much more than give us ideas and inspiration. They lead us into the eternal life while we are still being clothed in mortal flesh.

"When we keep close to the word of Jesus, reflecting on it, ‘chewing’ on it, eating it as food for the soul, we will enter even more deeply into the everlasting love of God.” (“Bread for the Journey,” Sept 20)

So it is vitally essential for us to read the Bible, as, “Spiritual reading is food for our souls. As we slowly let the words of the Bible or a good spiritual book enter into our minds and descend into our hearts, we become different people.

The Word gradually becomes flesh in us and transforms our whole being. Thus spiritual reading is a continuing incarnation of the divine Word within us. In and through Jesus, the Christ, God became flesh long ago. In and through our reading of God’s Word and our reflection on it, God becomes flesh in us now and makes us into living Christs for today.
"Let’s keep reading God’s Word with love and great reverence.” (“Bread for the Journey,” April 16) Since love is proved by works and not words alone, “What we live is more important than what we say, because the right way of living always leads to the right way of speaking. When we forgive our neighbours from our hearts, our hearts will speak forgiving words. When we are grateful, we will speak grateful words, and when we are hopeful and joyful, we will speak hopeful and joyful words.
"When our words come too soon and we are not yet living what we are saying, we easily give double messages. Giving double messages--one with our words and another with our actions--makes us hypocrites. May our lives give us the right words, and may our words lead us to the right lives.” (“Bread for the Journey,” June 20)

Should we, then, keep quiet and not speak at all if we cannot live by what we say? No, said Henri Nouwen, “Can we only speak when we are fully living what we are saying?
If all our words had to cover all our actions, we would be doomed to permanent silence!

Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it. Does that mean we are hypocrites? Only when our own words no longer call us to conversion.





Nobody completely lives up to his or her own ideals and visions. But by proclaiming our ideals and visions with conviction and great humility, we may gradually grow into the truth we speak.

As long as we know that our lives always speak louder that our words, we can trust that our words will remain humble. (“Bread for the Journey,” June 21)
Finally, we need to remind ourselves that all of us have a responsibility to share and pass on our unique experiences in life to our children and others by telling our stories, verbally or if possible, in writing. Henri Nouwen said “One of the arguments we often use for not writing is this: ‘I have nothing original to say. Whatever I might say someone else has already said it, and better than I will ever be able to.’ This, however, is not a good argument for not writing. Each human being is unique and original, and nobody has lived what we have lived. Furthermore, what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others.
"We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told.

We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.” (“Bread for the Journey,” April 29)

Writing also helps us to touch base and clarify our thoughts for us to live our life more fully.

”Writing can help us to concentrate, to get in touch with the deepest stirrings of our hearts, to clarify our minds, to process confusing emotions, to reflect on our experiences, to give artistic expression to what we are living, and to store significant events in our memories. Writing can also be good for others who might read what we write.
"Quite often a difficult, painful, or frustrating day can be ‘redeemed’ by writing about it. By writing we can claim what we have lived and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys.

Then writing can become lifesaving for us and sometimes for others too.” (“Bread for the Journey,” April 27)

An excerpt into my life

In response to Romans 12

I’ve read your message in Romans 12. I understand it well. In fact I’ve been trying to live my life like this.

I’m trying my very best to live my life as a sacrifice in your service! Or have I been only self righteous? I’ve tried to be pleasing. To be good. Really I did!
I failed miserably in one or two ways but the rest I really did try. You know how much I gave of myself. But that’s not the point. Yet somehow I still feel shortchanged. I feel inedequate.

I’ve not conformed to the standards on this world. I never accepted the rules of men and I always question them and try to live by my own rules as best I can in accordance to your instructions. You’ve always allowed me to see things; to be aware of my surroundings; But you never allowed me to understand them, except for several occasions; and you never revealed the true purposes and intent until the very end. You made me suffer by making me so lost at times and expecting that I find my way out myself. But thank you. For at the end of it all, the realization of your hand in matters offers some comfort. But right now I’m still lost. I have faith that it’s all in your hands. But please don’t fault me if I doubt you, or distrust you, or behave inconsistently from time to time. You gave me an ultra-sensitive heart that sways so easily. But you also gave me a strong resolve as well. I trusted you and followed you closely. You keep transforming me inwardly. You keep changing my mind completely. It’s tiring! Am I just a puppet in your plans/games?

I have a low self-esteem. I keep trying to be as modest in my thinking as well. And I judge myself excessively all the time. Yet you say to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that you have given us. This is an all a contradiction to me! You allowed me to see through things. You gave me the gift of foresight. Having the knowledge, is a huge responsibility that I’m afraid to take. I’m insecure. I’ve low self-esteem. I try to be modest. But what you allowed me to see gives me the power. Such great power because with it I can change things. But who am I to judge others? Who am I to change things? What if I bend things to my will rather you’re your will? Who am I, I’m neither worthy nor capable to do your work. I try all the time to normalize the foresight that you give me, to be modest, to just accept that I’m just being too darn assuming. Yet time and time again they turn out to be true! Why do you contradict your words so? It makes me so horribly torn inside. I ask only for wisdom. And comfort. That I will try to use my gift for your purpose, but you have the courage to belief in it.


I admit I have not been working hard and have been lazy. I’ve failed to pour my heart out to you.
But I’ve been sincere all this while. Sincerity is all I have.
I’ve not served you with the fullest devotion.
In the past month, I’ve lost hope several times and was not joyful.
I tried so hard to be patient. I really did. You tested me to my limits. I’m glad I’ve learnt to be patient. But I’m losing this and it has slowly turned into tolerance rather than patience.
I’m trying to pray to you at all times.
Yet I’m at a crossroads each time. But I guess its just like this all the time with You.
You make me want to smile. Yet you make me cry as well.
Am I bipolar or is it just your doing? ;)

I’ve always blessed those who persecute me. In fact I’ve always given them the benefit of the doubt. I understand why they do it. And gave myself so many reasons to forgive them. And I do.But yet recently, there has been a trying time.
I tried to live as you said. In fact I feel so closely to the people around me. I feel their happiness. I know their sadness. All too well! I always show my concern to everyone, even my enemies! Maybe I did show too much concern towards one but I really tried to show concern to everyone!
Have I been proud? Have I really thought myself wise? You have to judge me on that.

"If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with a wrong."I’ve always tried to do this. You said you’ll take the revenge and pay back for me. I never once doubted that. But I’m not even sure if I want that. But now whats happening in my life, I don’t know where I stand anymore. SO many times I’ve been so tempted to stray from your truth and take matters in my own hands. I cannot promise you anything. But I pray and pray you’ll take control of my life. Help me to strike a balance between using my gift, fighting for justice and righteousness as well as accepting your will. Its all so contradictory! Its so contradictory! But that requires faith. You always test me to my limits. Please don’t defeat me at my greatest hour of need.

Life in God’s Service

Romans 12

So then, my brothers, because of God’s great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer.
Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change in your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God – what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.

And because of God’s gracious gift to me I say to everyone of you:
Do not think of yourself more highly than you should. Instead, be modest in your thinking, and judge yourself according to the amount of faith that God has given you.
We have many parts in the one body, and all these parts have different functions.
In the same way, though we are many, we are one body in union with Christ, and we are all joined to each other as different parts of one body.
So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God’s message, we should do it according to the faith that we have;
if it is to serve, we should serve
If it is to teach, we should teach;
If it is to encourage others, we should do so.
Who ever shares with others should do it generously;
Whoever has authority should work hard;
Whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.

Love must be completely sincere. Hate what is evil, hold on to what is good.
Love one another warmly as Christian brothers, and be eager to show respect for one another.
Work hard and do not be lazy. Serve the Lord with a heart full of devotion.
Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.
Share your belongings with your needy fellow Christians, and open your homes to strangers

Ask God to bless those who persecute you – yes, ask him to bless not to curse.
Be happy with those who are happy, weep with those who weep.
Have the same concern for everyone.
Do not be Proud, but accept humble duties.
Do not think of yourselves as wise.

If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with a wrong.
Try to do what everyone considers to be good.
Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.
Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God’s anger do it.
For the scripture says, “I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord”
Instead, as the scripture says, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for by doing this you will make him burn with shame.”
Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with Good

Day 0: Why do I do the Things I do?

Someone asked me why do i do the things I do?

I gave a laugh.
No worded explanations can explain why...
The mistake was to explain it.

Perhaps actions always speaks louder than words.
Although sometimes actions are masked and hidden by words.
Open your eyes and see.
Use your mind and think
Search your heart and feel.

Sieve through the noise and search for the truth
Dont depend on poisoned words
Or unforgivable circumstance.


That someone also mentioned about a person that was giving her/him unconditional love.
Perfect timing.
Just as I was about to blog about it.

The next two weeks i shall attempt(i said attempt only!) to blog about love.
Of love in this world.

Disclaimer 1: These are not my personal belief.
-->I REPEAT! MARK THIS PLEASE! THESE ARE NOT MY PERSONAL BELIEFS! Though I'm so guilty of adopting some of them.:(

These are the views of the world. Of the experiences and things i've read about.

Disclaimer 2: There are many views that seem correct and right to you. But There should be only 1 truth.
-->Constantly refer to this page so you wont forget my disclaimer for the next 2 weeks.


We all have to decide which view we want to adopt.
I already have mine. :)

Song: Thank You, Lord

"I thank you, Lord, for the trials that come my way;
In that way I can grow each day, as I let you lead.
And thank you, Lord, for the patience those trials bring;
In that process of growing, I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
My human nature shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

But I thank you, Lord, with each trial I feel inside,
That you're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong.
Cause you promised, Lord, that with every testing,
That your way of escaping's easier to bear.

Yes, I thank you, Lord, for the victory that growing brings;
In surrender of ev'rything, life is so worthwhile.
And I thank you, Lord, that when ev'rything's put in place,
Out in front I can see your face, and it's there you belong.
Thank you, dear Lord."

Dreaming is a Private Thing by Isaac Asimov

Sherman Hilary, at the age of 31, could have been identified as a dreamer by anyone. His eyes, unspectacled, had nonetheless the misty look of one who either needs glasses or rarely focuses on anything mundane.

Weill said heartily, ‘ Sherman, my boy, you look fine. What’s the, matter? A dream is cooking only so-so at home? You’re worried about it?… Sit down, sit down…’

The dreamer did, sitting at the edge of the chair and holding his thighs stiffly together as though to be ready for instant obedience to a possible order to stand up once more.

He said, ‘ I’ve come to tell you, Mr Weill, I’m quitting.’
‘ Quitting”?”
‘I don’t want to dream anymore, Mr Weill.’
Weill’s old face looked older now than at any time in the day. ‘ Why, Sherman?’

The dreamers lips twisted. He blurted out, ‘ Because I’m not living, Mr Weill. Everything passes me by. It wasn’t so bad at first. It was even relaxing. I’d dream evenings, weekends when I felt like, or at any other time. And when I felt like I wouldn’t. But now, I’m an old pro. You tell me I’m one of the best in the business and the industry looks to me to think up new subtleties and new changes on the old reliables like the flying reveries, and the worm-tuning skits.

Weill said, ‘ And is anyone better than you, Sherman? Your little sequence on leading an orchestra is selling steadily after ten years.’

‘ All right, Mr Weill. I’ve done my part. Its gotten so I don’t go out anymore. I neglect my wide. My little girl doesn’t know me. Last week, we went to a dinner party – Sarah says I was sitting on the couch all evening just staring at nothing and humming. She said everyone kept looking at me, She cried all night, I’m tired of things like that Mr Weill. I want to be a normal person and live in this world. I promised her I’d quit and I will, so it’s goodbye, Mr Weill.’ Hillary stood up and held out his hand awkwardly.

‘ I want to explain something. Do you know what a dreamer is, Sherman? DO you know what he means to ordinary people? Do you know what it is to be like me, like your wide Sarah? To have crippled minds that can’t imagine that can’t build up thoughts? People like myself, ordinary people, would like to escape just once in a while this life of ours. We can’t, We need help.

‘ In olden times it was books, plays, radio, movies, television. They gave us make believe, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that for a little while our own imaginations were stimulated, We could think of handsome lovers and beautiful princesses. We could be beautiful, witty, strong, capable, everything we weren’t.’

‘But always, the passing of the dream from dreamer to absorber was not perfect. It had to be translated into words in one way or another. The best dreamer in the world might not be able to get any of it into words. And the best writer in the world could only put the smallest part of his dreams into words. You understand?’

‘But now, with dream recording, any man can dream. You, Sherman, and a handful to men like you, supply those dreams directly and exactly. It’s straight from your head into ours, full strength. You dream for a thousand million people every time you dream. You dream a thousand million dreams at once. This is a great thing, my boy. You give all those people a glimpse of something they could not have by themselves.’

Hillary mumbled ‘, I’ve done my share.’ He rose desperately to his feet. I’m through. I don’t care what you say. And if you want to sue me for breaking our contract, go ahead and sue. I don’t care.’
Weill stood up, too. ‘ Would I sue you?… Ruth,’ he spoke into the intercom, ‘ bring in our copy of Mr Hillary’s contract.’

His secretary brought in the contract. Weill took in, showed its face to Hillary and said, ‘ Sherman my boy, unless you want to be with me, its not right to make you stay.’

Then, before Belanger could make more than the beginning of a horrified gesture to stop him, he tore the contract into 4 pieces and tossed them down the waste chute. ‘That’s all.’

Hillary’s hand shot out to seized Weill’s. ‘Thanks Mr Weill,’ he said earnestly, his voice husky. ‘You’ve always treated me very well, and I’m grateful. I’m sorry it had to be like this’

‘Its alright, my boy. Its all right.’
Half in tears, still muttering thanks, Sherman Hillary left.

‘ Why did you let him go boss?’ demanded Belanger distractedly. ‘Don’t you see the game? He’ll be going straight to Luster-Think. They’ve bought him off.’

Weill brought his hand. ‘You’re wrong. You’ve quite wrong. I know the boy and this would not be his style. Meanwhile what a fine day I’ve had to argue with a father to give me a chance at new talent, with a government official to avoid censorship, with you to keep from adopting fatal policies and now with my best dreamer to keep him from leaving. But about Sherman Hillary at least, there is no question. The dreamer will be back.’

‘How do you know?’

Weill smiled at Belanger and crinkled his cheeks into network of fine lines. ‘ Belanger my boy, you know how to edit dreamies so you think you know all the tools and machines of the trade. But let me tell you something. The most important tool in the dreamie business is the dreamer himself. He is the one you have to understand most of all, and I understand them.’

‘ Listen. When I was youngster – there were no dreamies then – I knew a fellow who wrote television scripts. He would complain to me bitterly that when someone met him for the first time and found out who he was, they would say: Where do you get those crazy ideas?’

‘ They honestly don’t know. To them it was an impossibility to even think of one of them. So what could my friend say? He used to talk to me about it and tell me. Could I say, I don’t know? When I go to bed, I can’t sleep for ideas dancing in my head. When I shave, I cut myself; when I drive, I take my life in my hands. And always because ideas, situations, dialogues are spinning and twisting in my mind, I can’t tell you where I get my ideas. Can you tell me maybe, your trick of not getting ideas, so I, too, can have a little peace?’

‘ You see Belanger, how it is. You can stop work here any time, So can I. This is our job, not our life. But not Sherman Hillary. Wherever he goes, whatever he does, he’ll dream. While he lives, he must think; while he thinks, he must dream. We don’t hold him prisoner, our contract isn’t an iron wall for him. His own skull is his own prisoner. So he’ll back. What can he do?’

Belanger shrugged. ‘ If what you say is right, I’m sort of sorry for the guy.’

Weill nodded sadly. ‘ I’m sorry for all of them. Through the years, I’ve found out one thing, It’s their business; making people happy. Other people.’

No one will ever believe my story,
But I received a phone call looking for her.
Just after i uploaded my last entry.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Its all my fault

sigh.

Oh God, oh God..
Why me?
Why must you torment me so?
Just when I'm able to stand again.
You strike me down yet again.

You gave me that dream last nite
Today you gave me Ophelia's tale.
What do you want from me?
How am i to end all this...

Its raining again.
Right on cue.
For me to cry.
To wash away the hurt you are causing me!
What do you want with me?

Dear God...
Take my life.
Its yours.
Do what you will with it.
No one will ever believe the games you've been playing with me.

Funny.
The rain outside has stopped.
And the surreal sets in.

sigh.

Is it a coincidence, is it fate, is it God's plan?

Its so strange that someone,

though his/her life is vastly different from yours, shares an experience, an emotion, a state,so similar to yours, expressed in words that though you can never write it down in such prose and poetry,

yet be able to understand and connect in ways that just....

Its indescribable. At least not by my ability and means.

All the emotions,the sorrow the angst,the crying the hurt the pain.

I'm so lucky to have met this friend.

Though he/she has no inkling how much he/she has influenced me.

I may just a fool that thinks he shares his/her pain....

Most probably. I'm just that..

A fool.

Love makes fools of all of us.

Tergiversation

Merriam-Webster Online: http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/mwwodarch.pl?Nov.03

tergiversation • \ter-jiv-er-SAY-shun\ • noun

*1 : evasion of straightforward action or clear-cut statement : equivocation
2 : desertion of a cause, position, party, or faith

Example sentence:
The tergiversation of Ken's speech left his listeners confused about where he really stood on the issue.

Did you know?
The Latin verb "tergiversari" means "to show reluctance," and it comes from the combination of "tergum," meaning "back," and "versare," meaning "to turn."
"Tergiversari" gave English the noun "tergiversation" and the verb "tergiversate" ("to engage in tergiversation").
"Tergiversation" is the slightly older term, having been around since at least 1570; the first known use of "tergiversate" dates from 1590.
There's also the much rarer adjective "tergiversant" ("tending to evade"), as well as the noun "tergiversator" ("one that tergiversates").

*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

This is going to be one of my favourite words that will be etched at the back of my brain, and then, forgotten. Like every memory that enters the/my mind.

Thanks Jimmie!

Lets get my life back on track!

Leisure Activities
Boating/Sailing
-Sign up for PPCDLC at Changi Sea Sports Club (11/12-19/12)
-Look for a sailing club to join for sea sport activities (SAF, Punggol)
-Check out prices for 2nd hand cabin cruiser (FourWinns Sundowner)

Cycling
-Fix bike
-Organize cycle around the east coast, changi (nicklaus? Jiesi, huimin,)
-Organize a cycle/ eating spree
-Look for Dirt trail
-Consider buying a new bike

Motoring
-buy my car accessories (blind spot mirror, car mats, speakers)
-Car grooming services (seats, wax etc)
-Car Maintenance (Wash, tyres, interior, Mats)

Photography
-Practice Taking Photos
-Photo Log à Nature shots of flora and fauna of Singapore
-Buy a proper printer, dry box

Nature/Hiking
-Photo Log à Nature shots of flora and fauna of Singapore
-Look for a nature organization to join (RMBR, NPARKS, WILD Singapore)
-Organize trip to kusu Island (reef walk)
-Organize trip to Ubin (camping, chek jawa)
-Organize leisure camping around Singapore (kranji, ubin, somewhere exotic)
-Buy a compass for goodness sake

Astronomy
-Keep track of astronomy events
-Join some astronomy club
-Learn how to read star maps
-Buy the super cheepo telescope from carfour

Kayaking
-Get the instructors cert (Joyce)
-Lets return to kayaking (Jason, Jerome, fong)

Sports
Badminton -Organize badminton! (NUS, NIE)
Squash - Buy a squash racket (Alvin, Mavis)
Swimming - ACJC (Leonel)
Tennis -Jeffory coach?, Buy a tennis racket
Table Tennis - NIE (Gabs, Kok, nick)
Exercise - Got to train for IPPT. 2 times a week? Mornings or evenings? Must plan!

Hobbies
Modelling - Fix up the colt, A10 and Veritech fighter.
Cooking - Must learn how to whip up a cuisine!
Jigsaw Puzzle - Complete La sieste!
Art and Crafts - Carpentry (wood carving kit, drills, wood à make something useful, shelf?)
Music - Learn Guitar (Yamaha, Leonel)
Story books - Complete 11 mins, tony parsons

Misc
Learn Malay

Complete Teaching guides
-Scouting/ Survival
-Astronomy
-Photography
-Etiquette
-Philosophy/ Natural Philosophy
-Music Appreciation
-Art Appreciation
-Communication/ Linguistics

Travel
-Go to KL and Malacca (Joyce, Cherlyn, Chuan Chien)
-YEP à any suggestions?

Volunteer -Check out NPVC

Friends
Sec 4 class reunion
Ming Liang (HP)
Desmond Yap Yizhen (friendster)
Ronald (MSN/HP)
Andrew (HP)
Yong Chye (Angeline)
JH (HP)
Barnabas (sito)
Alexius (HP)
Jeremy (HP)
Eng Theng (HP)/ Chuan Chien
Hoon Song (HP)
Bernard (DJ)
Lingyee (overseas)
Charis
Edward Tong

Council
wed, 2nd dec at Jems cafe

NIE orientation BBQ Party
3rd Dec fri. Organise it.

Scone
23 Nov 1930 HV

Reasons to Die For

What is worth dying for? I was in such a state that I couldnt even find a reason to stay alive.. Imagine that. I tot I was always such a positive, never say die kinda guy, yet was so ready to give up everything just because..... sigh. Emotions are such a killer... :)

(Living) Vs (Not Dying)

Money? --> nah.. Know of filthy rich people and how they live. Dun think I wanna spend my life chasing after that kind of life style

Power? --> worse. Feels great when pple respect you and all, esp when you are of a high social position. Lots of perks too. But then, dun wanna waste my life being some high profile person and you cant be personal with lots of pple. Worse still.. Power struggles, jealousy, gossips, scandals etc etc. Been there done that.

Love? --> What is love anyway? See my entry on eros, philia, and agape. Hmm.. Something that I think is definately worth considering.

Virtues? -->shall blog about this another time.. You know.. Honor, glory etc etc.. I think this is something worth dying for. :)

Religion? --> hmmm.. Sticky objective.. Suicide bombers. Crusades. So many religions and their respective religious zealots! Whos religion is the right one? Even as christians, how many christians nowadays will 'die' for God? not physically die.. Up really give up their lives for Him? THis is something I'm soooooo considering strongly lor.. Give up my life(style) to one that is... Free from obligations and responsibility. But one that is bound by obedience. Been thinking about this all my life. Will continue to do so. Religious dissonance.

Hmmm.. Let me look at it in another way.. What is/are worth living for?
Friends that are there for you, in your darkest hours. Perfectly orchestrated. God, you are sure one hell of a surpriser.
Jessica, Leonel, Gabriel, Mun Kai, Ruth, LZ, Kok, Hsin, Karen, YiWen, RongZhang... Not exhaustive of course.
You guys may not know it, or I dun show it. But I love you soooooo very very much!

"I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do
every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him,
for Him

He is my reason to live"
- We are the Reason

Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho ; pg 161

"The Marquis de sade said that the most important experiences a man can have are those that take him to the very limit;
That is the only way we learn, because it requires all our courage.
When a boss humiliates an employee, or a man humiliates his wife, he is merely being cowardly or taking revenge on life,
They are people who have never dared to look into the depths of their soul,
Never attempted to know the origin of that desire to unleash the wild beast,
Or to understand that sex, pain and love are all extreme experiences.

Only those who know those frontiers know life, everything else is just passing the time, repeating the same tasks, growing old and dying without ever having discovered what we are doing here."

A thought

Trampled on the ground.
Pushed down. Stepped upon.
Mine enemies continually run me over.
No one to pick me up.
My loved ones amongst the crowd!
He shall lift me.

Jeffory the Lobang King

This entry is dedicated to Jeffory the Lobang King.
I was the good samaritan to you.
But you returned the favour.
You're a Godsend.
Amazing how coincidences meet and our paths cross.
Singtel-UOB card. Petrol Rebates. MOE Coporate discount.
Was one of the things that have been on my mind lately.
Sorry bro I didnt give you the lift to the tennis masters at hall 8.
You would only go if I accompanied you.
I should have gone with you.

Faith Community Baptist Church.
Bukit Merah and Marine Parade.
9 course dinner at Marine parade tonight. Songs. Friends. People.
You invited me to go.
I should have gone with you.

Would have made a friend and a brother. But i made a choice.
Zigged when I should have Zagged
We are still friends and brothers nonetheless.
haha.. Cheers! *clink*

"I am a rock. But I will not sink." Library Stairwell thought.

What is Emotion? -An irony

In this case,its an irony
Why can't i paste from msword and retain the proper formatting?


Emotions: Acceptance, Anger, Anticipation, Boredom, Disgust, Envy, Fear, Guilt, Hate, Joy, Jealousy, Love, Remorse, Sorrow, Surprise
__________________________________________________________________________________________
What is Emotion?
*In psychology, and in ordinary language
-Used to describe a state of a person.
-Emotional state is related to mood
*Emotional States are internal and unempirical
*Emotional States are an antithesis of reason

__________________________________________________________________________________________

-->( Logic and Argument) VS (emotion )
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Schemes for Emotion (Schools of Thought)
1. Basic 4 of Commedia dell'arte
-fear
-anger
-sorrow
-joy

2. Manifestation of Mental states
-Indicator of Mental health/ psychiatric or affective disorders
I.e. Depression
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Views on Emotion
1.Propositions for the Nature of Emotions
-(Mental State) Vs (Process)
-(Conscious) Vs (Subconscious)
-(Subjective, Psychological Experience) + (physiological reactions) in response to (some event).
-Consists of
----Thoughts
----Feelings
----Affective responses
----Physiological Responses
----Cognitive responses
----Behavioural responses

2.Psychological Views
-Theories and Approaches
----James-Lange Theory
----Cannon-Bard Approach
----Schachter-Singer Approach
----Opponent-Process Approach
-Classifications for Emotions
----Plutchik’s Eight Primary Emotions
-Origins of Emotions
----(Universal) Vs (Cultural Determination)

3.Biological Views
-Emotions are generated by prosencephalon areas of the limbic system
-Evolutionary Advantages
-Enhanced ability to care for young
-Enhanced ability to cooperate with others from same species
-Reduced competition with others of same species
-Added ability for discrimination among situations
-Part of Complex communication

4.Philosophical Views - The Problem of Emotions
-Attempted by the Integration of
----Literature
----Psychoanalysis
----Behavioural Psychology
----Neurobiology
----Philosophical Literature

What is Love?

"The fact that English has only one word to cover what other languages use at least three words to name complicates the attempt to distinguish different types of love.

The Greek triad of
eros, philia, and agape,

and the Latin triad of
amor, delictio, and caritas,

name three distinct types of love that can only be designated in English by such phrases as "erotic or sexual love",
"friendly love",
"divine love"
or
"the love of God and of one's self and others as creatures of God".

Though we do have single English words
- "Friendship" and "Charity" -
for the second and third types of love, our over-broad and over-narrow usage of them, together with a prevalent tendency to over-stress the sexual or erotic aspect of love,
often obscures or distorts our understanding of the kinds of love and their relation to one another."

- Mortimer J.Adler and Charles Van Doren